After 3 surgeries, 13 years, and $30,000, I'm happier now without my breast implants

• After my second pregnancy, at age 35, I decided to get breast implants.
• After the surgery, I didn't like how I looked — but more importantly, I had new health issues.

I've struggled with my self-image and fought an ongoing battle with 10 pounds for close to 40 years. But I always had nice boobs — full, round, and perky. That gave me some solace, since I knew I would never be as petite as many of my friends, at least not without starving myself. And men noticed me. I liked the attention.

I married a great guy who loved me for more than my appearance, and when I got pregnant with our first child, at 26, my breasts ballooned to a size I could never have imagined — veiny, filled with milk, and expanded to maximum density.

My body and my boobs recovered.

I had my second child at 35. My body recovered, but my breasts did not.

I got breast implants

When the baby was a year old, I wanted to fill the void of skin sitting where my once ample cleavage had been. I needed to feel sexy again, like my old self.

For my first surgery, I opted for saline implants. For a minute I thought they were terrific, but they soon got wonky and displaced.

After nine years, I swapped the saline implants with smaller, more natural-looking 210 cc silicone implants and had a traditional anchor lift.

When I met with the plastic surgeon, he told me that I had a decent amount of breast tissue and that I may not even need implants. I didn't want another set, but instead of advocating for myself, I let the doctor decide. He opted to insert the smallest implants available — "to give added fullness," he said.

The new set looked great and fit my body. Until I gained the 10 pounds I'd lost before the second surgery, turning my new breasts into DDs. They were so uncomfortable.

I suffered from breast-implant illness

There were more important issues at hand.

After I underwent a litany of tests in March 2020 as a result of symptoms including extreme fatigue, joint pain, and intense headaches, a friend floated the idea that it could be my implants. The thought had crossed my mind, but I didn't want to face the idea that I had potentially poisoned my body, all for the sake of vanity.

I joined several online forums and began researching the signs and symptoms of breast-implant illness, or BII.

Sure enough, I had at least 15 of the most common symptoms, including a positive ANA number, which can indicate the presence of autoimmune disease. I still don't have a definitive diagnosis, and my rheumatologist has run every test possible.

I researched extensively to find the right plastic surgeon, one who believes in BII and its effects on patients. I found one with a reputation as a stellar surgeon who has compassion and empathy.

I waited a little over six months for my surgery from the initial consultation. When the day arrived, my surgery went smoothly, and my implants were removed intact inside the scar tissue. The recovery has been rather easy, and at four months post-op I have about 90% mobility again.

There is an ongoing debate about the legitimacy of BII in the medical community, but I'm one of tens of thousands of women who've opted to have their implants removed because of symptoms they experienced.

I feel a whole lot better without the silicone in my chest.

After three surgeries, 13 years, and $30,000, I'll say this: I'd much rather have invested that money in programs advocating self-love and acceptance. I try not to live with regret, but if I could go back and stop myself from having that first surgery, you can believe I would.

I've learned to love my body, but I can't lie and say it's been easy. Stuff sticks with you, and it can be so hard to break free. But for now, I'm happy and healing and loving every bit of my new, smaller chest.