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After 20 years in the finance industry I felt depressed and anxious — until I started microdosing. It helped me see how I was holding myself back.

Sep 30, 2024, 17:26 IST
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Peggy Van de Plassche had been on the personal development treadmill for years before she tried microdosing.Peggy Van de Plassche
  • Peggy Van de Plassche felt depressed and anxious until she started microdosing psilocybin three years ago.
  • Microdosing tiny amounts of psychedelics has gained interest in recent years, but is illegal under U.S. federal law.
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This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Peggy Van de Plassche, 47, the founder of The Microdose Diet, who lives in Toronto. The following has been edited for length and clarity.

Until a few years ago, I had been working in finance for 20 years. I liked the industry, but I felt constantly anxious, emotionally numb, and depressed.

I didn't feel like the time I was putting in and the value I was bringing to the business where I worked were being recognized. I was on high alert all the time, responding to emails from the moment I opened my eyes in the morning until my head hit the pillow at night. My stress levels were so constant that there was no space for joyful feelings. When I got a promotion, for example, I wouldn't feel excited, even though I'd been working toward it for a long time.

I job-hopped a lot because I would eventually become frustrated by something, a difficult relationship, or a project that was not going at the speed I wanted, and I'd leave.

At the time, I blamed external factors for how I was feeling, but each time I switched jobs, after six months or so, mentally, I'd be in the exact same place as before. In hindsight, I realized that when you're unhappy with yourself, you can change your environment as much as you like, but you'll have the same problem if you haven't changed.

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When COVID came around, I had my own consulting company and I was advising pension and VC funds on investments in the FinTech space. Business had really slowed in that period, which meant I had more time to think, and it really became apparent that I had a lot of anxiety and depression.

I had been on the personal development treadmill for quite some time already. I had tried therapy and many other techniques and had seen some improvement but I only felt about 5% better after 12 years, which just wasn't enough.

Around that time I started to notice articles about microdosing psychedelics to manage stress and anxiety and boost focus popping up in the business publications I was reading.

I read one article, then two, then three, and I was like, "What's going on here?" In my mind, you're taking psychedelics to go to a rave. You're taking three grams, and you're dancing! I wanted to know more, so I turned to clinical studies and really did some research. I discovered that the FDA had classified psilocybin as a breakthrough therapy for resistant depression in 2018. It looked really promising.

I was close to breaking point and simply couldn't take the constant negativity in my head anymore. So I decided to try micro-dosing psilocybin.

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Van de Plassche said she was able to uncover hidden beliefs that were holding her back after microdosing.Jeremie Dupont Photography

Within a week I felt calmer

I live in Toronto where magic mushrooms are technically illegal but there are dispensaries everywhere. It's kind of a gray area.

I bought some products from my massage therapist and I started microdosing based on the research I had done. I played around a bit with the dosage and the frequency until I found a very good protocol.

Within a week to ten days I would say I started to feel calmer. When you're taking a low dose every few days you don't feel high or hallucinate but I felt more present and happy. Doing it alongside other self-care rituals, like journaling and visualization, made a huge difference for me. It's not a silver bullet, but I wouldn't have been able to turn things around like I did without microdosing.

Before, I was neurotic about time management to the point where it was debilitating. If I had a meeting at 10 a.m., I was at the computer ready at 9 a.m.. Once I was flying to Tokyo and the fight was late in the day, but I wouldn't even go for a walk because I felt like I needed to stay home until I got into the cab to the airport because "you don't know what might happen!"

After three months on psilocybin, that neurosis was gone. I now log onto a meeting one minute before because I feel confident in my ability to cope.

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I started to become aware of my limiting beliefs

I felt like I had more space in my brain, which gave me enough distance from my thoughts to see them clearer. I started to become aware that some subconscious beliefs I had were making me feel bad about myself.

I realized that I had a huge fear of authority, which was likely a product of being raised in a very authoritarian environment. I had this belief that I always had to do what I was told, which had been limiting me.

Finally I was able to notice the pattern and, over time, reprogram my brain to respond differently. I became a bit of an explorer, looking out for blind spots and observing my tendencies.

My network really responded to my story

At the time, I had a newsletter where I wrote about companies I thought people should invest in. But one day, I decided to write a post about my microdosing experience. It was a risk but I thought it would help a lot of people.

I ended up getting more responses to it than any other post. Dozens of people reached out with questions.

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It ended up taking on a life of its own and today I have a microdosing business. I've written a book on my protocol and I coach people on how to mircodose to get more out of their lives.

If you would've told me three, four years ago, I would do that, I would say, "you're dreaming."

I love it but I think that one day I'd like to go back into finance and see how different it would feel for me now.

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