A woman with herpes created a script for dealing with rejection after disclosing STI status

• Emily Depasse, a sexology student and STI educator on Instagram, shared tips on how to deal with rejection after disclosing your STI status.
• Depasse has herpes and publicly shared her status five years ago.
• She created scripts for educating uninformed sex partners and penned sassy responses to rejection that can make herpes-positive people feel more empowered.

Five years ago, Emily Depasse shared her positive herpes diagnosis publicly for the first time. Since then, she's dedicated her social media to educating others about sexually transmitted infections and debunking harmful stereotypes.

In a recent post, Depasse, who is currently a relationship and sex therapy graduate student at Widener University's Center for Human Sexuality Studies, shared her tips for dealing with rejection related to STI status.

One out of six Americans between 14 and 49 have genital herpes, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. When it comes to oral herpes, an estimated 50% to 80% of Americans have the STI, according to Johns Hopkins Medicine.

"Rejection of someone with herpes is rarely rooted in science or statistics. One's decision is more calculated and influenced by a potential partner's moral and social beliefs about herpes and sexuality in general," Depasse said in a separate Instagram post.

She created six templates her followers can use to communicate when they receive disempowering responses about their STI status from potential love interests.

How to feel empowered in the face of rejection

Telling a potential sex partner about your herpes status can be a vulnerable moment, so Depasse suggested responding with compassion and educational resources.

This way, you're empowering your potential partner to learn about herpes stigma and removing yourself from feelings of shame.

Depasse suggested saying something like, "Thanks for your honesty. You know, I get it. That used to be my response too, until I realize how little sex education programs taught us about herpes and STIs. Before you reject the next person who discloses, here are a few of my favorite resources to learn more."

Another way to present helpful resources could be to say, "rejections can be difficult, but they also allow me an opportunity to educate and share my favorite sex-positive resources. Here are a few of mine," Depasse wrote in her post.

Depasse also created 'sassy' responses

If you're fed up with herpes and STI stigma, Depasse also created spicier responses.

For example, if you ask a potential sex partner to share their STI status with you after sharing yours, and they say they don't know it, you can flip the script on them.

Say something like, "Your last STI test was over a year ago? I get that we're still navigating the pandemic, but there are still accessible ways to get STI screenings. Thanks for letting me know because I only engage with partners who prioritize their sexual health."

You can also combine sassiness with education by saying, "Interesting, considering that the risk of you getting herpes from me is akin to the risk of impregnating me, but until I disclosed you seemed to really be trying to convince me not use barriers together...hm," according to Depasse.

If a partner says they only want oral sex after you disclose, Depasse suggested educating them about oral herpes and wish their genitals well before moving on.