- Mia Lee is a New York City-based professional escort who says she has never felt sadness, fear, or anxiety.
- She identifies as a psychopath, though it's not a diagnosable condition, and says being one helped her become financially successful and happy.
Most people would take offense if they were called a psychopath, but Mia Lee doesn't mind.
A former Wall Street forensic accountant, she credits her luxurious lifestyle — in which she regularly indulges in expensive hobbies like whiskey and cigar tastings and joy rides in sports cars — to her psychopathic tendencies.
She's self-employed, running her "professional girlfriend" business where she escorts rich men who happily hand over a minimum of $3,000 for just two hours of her time.
Lee, who previously spoke to Insider about her sex-work business, regularly refers to herself as a psychopath — and seems to do so proudly.
"Psychopath" and "sociopath" are often used interchangeably, but clinically, they hold different meanings. Neither are diagnosable conditions, but can be used to describe a spectrum of behavior that someone may embody at any given moment.
People who have high levels of psychopathy rarely or never feel anxiety, fear, or sadness. They also tend to come off as charming and bold, Insider previously reported. Sociopaths are more avoidant and impulsive, tending to act on feelings of anxiety or anger.
Mental health professionals only assess psychopathy, through a clinical checklist, in people who have a history of violence or criminal behavior in order to gauge how likely they'll be violent again, clinical and forensic psychologist Darrel Turner told Insider. He said that not all people with high levels of psychopathy are violent or destructive, and many use their lack of empathy to become "fierce competitors" in highly competitive fields, as Lee did in finance.
Lee has never received an antisocial personality disorder diagnosis, nor had an evaluation using the clinical checklist for psychopathy. But, from her perspective, her psychopathic tendencies have helped her create a life she finds fulfilling.
"Every waking moment, the only goal that I have is to increase my overall happiness and reduce any kind of negative emotionality. I don't have any other goals in life," Lee told Insider.
Using a lack of empathy for professional and financial success
Lee said that she views her brain as a sort of AI-like learning machine that she's fine-tuned over the years, both to blend in and get what she wants.
As a Wall Street accountant who investigated complex bank records to prevent financial fraud, she used her laser focus to make six figures. She loved the cutthroat nature of her job, and says she didn't identify as a psychopath at the time, though she now sees how her personality was helpful to her career success. White collar jobs tend to draw in people with greater psychopathic tendencies, Turner said.
In 2018, Lee was diagnosed with depression, which her doctor linked to job-related burnout. Looking for a new way to feel fulfilled, she took her business acumen to sex work, becoming a professional girlfriend. She got to make her own schedule while still making bank. It was then that Lee started to notice her lack of empathy compared to others.
She said she hasn't once felt shame or guilt over having sex for money. When pushy clients ask her to lower her prices or engage in a sex act she's said is off-limits, Lee said she's never budged. It's not that she's worried about her safety, she said. She just can't stand that someone would try to take advantage of her when she's made her offerings clear from the start.
Lee said she's had a laser-focus on financial success since she was a child. Born to Chinese immigrant parents and placed in foster care when she was 13, Lee said she threw herself into work as a waitress at 16. Even at that age, she was focused on money as the key to her happiness.
Lee was married for 3 years, and has fulfilling friendships and a 'beautiful' girlfriend
From Lee's perspective, relationships are naturally transactional and "social capital." But that's not a bad thing, since a mutually beneficial connection means everyone is getting something that they want, she says. But her view doesn't keep her feeling isolated from people who experience empathy.
She's been a part of friends' bridal parties 18 times. She also has a girlfriend and was previously in a three-year open marriage, which she and her ex-husband ended in November 2021.
Lee said the divorce was a result of a personal issue that put her earning abilities at risk. When she lost three weeks' worth of income due to time she spent text-fighting with her then-husband, Lee said she became increasingly frustrated until she reached a breaking point.
"The negative externalities of the relationship were directly impacting my bottom line and that was completely intolerable for me," Lee said. "Anyone who fucks with my money, you are more than dead to me."
Working at a strip club one night, Lee had a moment where she realized she had to end things if she wanted to stay ahead financially. A moment later she texted her husband, "I want a divorce," and then went back to stripping. She said she hasn't looked back since, never crying or feeling mournful over the end of her marriage.
"I struggled with his internal struggle for a meaningful existence and wanting to do good because I only optimize for one thing, and that's my own happiness. So I don't care about fixing society," Lee told Insider. She does, however, care about getting ahead and showing other women that they can do the same.
Teaching others how to tap into psychopathy to find career success
Lee may not always emotionally relate to her peers, but she's not cold-hearted and wants to make sure the people in her orbit are financially well off.
She often gives fellow sex workers pro-bono accounting advice and tells people in her inner circle, her publicist included, when she thinks they're being taken advantage of through their emotions. Lee's seen how her lack of empathy benefits her, and wants others to consider the positives of ignoring feelings like guilt or anxiety.
Eliza Orlins, a public defender who describes herself as an empath, said she first met Lee in April 2020, when a mutual friend introduced them because of their shared interest in decriminalizing sex work. Lee "immediately" told Orlins that she was a psychopath, explaining how it helped her achieve her goals, Orlins told Insider.
Since then, their friendship has grown, with Lee constantly telling Orlins to make sure she's being properly compensated for speaking opportunities. Before Lee was in her life, Orlins said she would listen to her non-psychopath friends, who would praise her for the opportunity but offer no actionable advice, causing her to miss out on money or pay her own way to speaking events. She said Lee has taught her that empathy can sometimes be "maladaptive."
But Lee's lack of empathy doesn't impact their ability to talk about more intimate topics, according to Orlins. When they talk about relationships, Lee's approach seems more logic-based, but that doesn't bother her. In fact, Orlins keeps a Post-It note with "What would Mia do?" scrawled on it.
"We can learn from someone who has self-awareness about the impact of acting based on emotions versus logic," Orlins said. "She's really helped me change my entire mindset."