- While I was out with my kids, a stranger saw my 2-year-old sucking his thumb and began lecturing me.
- My daughter asked why the stranger wanted him to stop sucking his thumb — I didn't know what to say.
My five kids and I were spending a gorgeous sunny day at the outdoor mall near our house, elbow-deep in hot pretzels and cheese. I was busy wiping the face of one of my daughters when I felt a tap on my shoulder.
I turned and found myself face-to-face with a stranger. She was holding my 2-year-old son's lion blankie, affectionately known as Rory. I realized he must've dropped it on the ground and thanked her for picking it up. As soon as I handed Rory back to my son, he curled the blankie up between his sticky fingers and popped his thumb in his mouth.
I noticed she immediately frowned.
A kind gesture turned into an unnecessary lecture
"You shouldn't let him do that, you know," she said. Still mopping cheese from one kid's upper lip, I turned and found her still standing there.
"What's that?" I asked, trying to be polite. My son blinked and looked up at her as we spoke, sucking his thumb and looking content.
"His thumb," she said. Hands on her hips, she clearly had more to say, so I braced myself.
"He'll never be handsome if you let him suck his thumb all the time," she said.
I watched as my four older girls' eyes bounced from her to me and back again, like they were watching a pingpong match. They're young, but they've seen this sort of exchange before — a stranger stopping to air some unsolicited opinion to us before disappearing.
I used to be unprepared for these sorts of comments. I've found ways to be kind but not a doormat.
She went on to question my abilities as a mother
"He's only 2 years old," I grumbled, tossing our trash into the garbage can next to us. Gritting my teeth as I packed up, I was fully prepared to end the conversation and move on. But the woman couldn't resist adding one final comment.
"You're his mother, you know," she said, gently shaking her head in disbelief. "It's your job to teach him how to behave."
With that, she turned on her heels and left, leaving me wide-mouthed and dumbstruck.
When my kids asked about the encounter, I didn't know what to say
"Mom, who was that?" my oldest daughter asked as the woman stormed off. It took a few seconds for the question to register. I was blindsided by the interaction — the random self-righteousness and the bizarre audacity.
"Oh, nobody, sweetie," I told her, getting ready to leave.
"But why does she want William to stop sucking his thumb?" she asked, her sweet, little 8-year-old face genuinely curious. I didn't have the heart to tell her that people love to offer their opinions without asking. So I shrugged.
"That's how he makes himself feel better," she said. "Everyone has different ways of feeling better. That's just William's."
Next to her, my 3-year-old daughter curled up in her seat. As my younger daughter listened to her big sister talk, a fox blankie tucked into her tiny fist, she popped her own thumb into her mouth.
My 8-year old's reaction taught me an important lesson about self-soothing — and unsolicited opinions
"You're right, sweetie. Everyone has different ways of feeling better. You're so smart," I told her. And I meant it.
In that moment, my daughter helped me understand that the stranger's comments about my son had nothing to do with me or him. They were a reflection of her own issues. And that made me a little bit sad.
"Do you think that woman sucks her thumb at night?" my 8-year-old asked, making us all giggle.
Honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she did — after all, everyone has different ways of feeling better.