A millennial says her boomer mom was a 'helicopter' parent. She says she's doing the opposite with her kids.

• Michelle Curtis thinks some of her challenges as a parent were the result of helicopter parenting.
• The 38-year-old said she'd grown up thinking her retired mother would help out with her grandkids.

When Michelle Curtis returned to work after her maternity leave, she thought she could rely on her mom, Marjorie Hershberg, a boomer, to watch the baby.

But the 38-year-old told Business Insider things didn't quite play out as planned.

She said she was "shocked" when Hershberg asked to be paid for her services. A few years later, Curtis said it was "earth-shattering" when the grandma quit for good because she wanted more time with her husband, Eddy.

"It was definitely a feeling of, 'Wait, what?'" Curtis said of the "hurtful" moment.

She said that her mom's decision — which made her feel "abandoned" — was at odds with the way she'd been raised. She said she'd been brought up to think she could turn to Hershberg whenever she needed help.

"I thought, 'That's absolutely not how it's been for the last 30 years of my life,'" the mom-of-two added. "It was a little scary to think I no longer had this support."

She said that her experience wasn't unique and that many other millennials — people born between 1981 and 1996 — felt the same loss when they started a family of their own.

"They would most likely expect assistance from their parents with their children — especially if they are working moms — if they grew up like I did," Curtis added.

Curtis described her mom as a helicopter parent — with her best interests at heart

"You have this dependent relationship with your mom, and then, during one of the most stressful times in your life — you have two kids, you're a working parent, you have very little time, and it's very high stress — the rug is swept out from under you," she said.

Curtis described Hershberg as a "helicopter parent," saying the now 66-year-old had the best intentions. She said she didn't want to be seen as a "spoiled little brat" who resented her loving upbringing.

But, she said, her childhood took place in a period when parents tended to bubble-wrap their kids, overly advocate for them and lavish them with attention.

"Starting at a very young age, anytime I had a project at school that I had to do, or I had a concert coming up, and I needed an outfit, Mom was very much like, 'Oh, let me help you, I can help you do that.'" Curtis said.

"If I was late to school, she would write me a note. If I was missing an assignment, she stepped in with some sort of excuse to rescue me from being disciplined."

As a result, she said, like many of her peers with boomer parents — the generation born between 1955 and 1964 — she was less self-reliant when she became an adult.

"I never learned to do laundry until I was at college because my mom would step in," she said. "I once had a problem at work, and she said, 'Should I call your boss?'"

"I don't think her idea was to make me dependent, but I grew rather dependent on her."

Curtis said she'd consciously decided to raise her daughter, Maisie, 6, and son, Aidan, 4, not to follow in her footsteps.

"There's something to be said about teaching children accountability and letting them figure out their problems," she told BI. "And this is how I'm raising my kids."

She added that she thinks about what will happen to them as she ages; "One day, she's going to be an adult. And one day, I'm not going to be here."

The millennial mom was always strict about scheduled nap times

Curtis said that her parenting style differed from her mom's in other ways, too. She said childrearing could be more demanding these days because of science and learning." Experts, she said, had found that certain strategies — often less convenient for caregivers— made for healthier, happier kids.

For example, while Hershberg let her infants nap in the stroller when she was out and about, her daughter was rigid about a sleep schedule.

"There's a lot more evidence about how children are supposed to sleep," Curtis, who works in technology, said. She said designated nap times needed babysitters to stay home more often but encouraged good sleep practices.

"I'm willing to make a sacrifice, but are boomers willing to help their millennial children make that same sacrifice? Probably not. They'll say things like, "Why can't you just let the kids sleep in the car?' Because that's what they did," Curtis said.

Meanwhile, she said that grandparents should be either in or out when it came to watching their grandkids. "If you commit to babysitting, you cannot back out or waffle back and forth."

Curtis said she is raising her kids to be less dependent than she was

She said another factor was the propensity of boomers to pursue their own interests as they age — as opposed to previous generations who didn't venture far.

"It's almost as if they have a light bulb go off and realize, 'Oh, wait, I want to retire and not help my kids anymore.'"

Curtis said that she could understand their motivation. But, she said, they shouldn't be surprised if their kids aren't happy. "How would you expect these millennial children to react to that?" she said.

"It's part of the reason I'm trying to raise my children to be independent and responsible," she said, adding, "I will probably want to go on vacation for a couple of months one day and not be available."

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