A lot of coupled Americans say they're having the worst sex they've ever had. Here's how to change that.

• A survey by Lelo found half of coupled respondents say their current partner is the worst sex they've had.
• Sex in long-term, emotionally stable relationships can seem less passionate.
• According to therapist Casey Tanner, sex therapy can be a great way to address incompatibility.

Half of coupled Americans say they're having the worst sex they've ever had with their current sexual partner, according to a survey by sex toy company Lelo.

The survey asked 2,000 Americans about their sex lives in a self-reported questionnaire.

Queer sex and relationship therapist Casey Tanner told Insider less passionate sex can mean a relationship is just more emotionally stable. Sex in tumultuous relationships, in contrast, can feel more fulfilling because of the sexiness that comes with hot and cold dynamics.

"This is because relationships in turmoil - which experience higher highs and lower lows - repeatedly create a sense of distance in the relationship," Tanner said. "This distance, fueled by conflict, is a breeding ground for eroticism. In other words, we want what we can't always have."

Before you give up, there are steps you can take to work on sexual compatibility in your relationship.

How important is sexual compatibility in your relationship?

If your sex is good but not great, it doesn't necessarily mean you need to worry.

"Relational satisfaction does not typically require that you're having mind-blowing sex; it matters more that you're having 'good-enough sex,'" Tanner said.

If you and your partner are compatible in every other part of your relationship, sex is something that can be worked on.

Steps you can take to make your sex life more passionate

If you find yourself in a relationship that isn't sexually satisfying, there are a few things you can do before calling it quits. According to Tanner, the first step to bettering a sexual dynamic with your partner is agreeing to be part of an "erotic team."

"This means taking a no-blame approach in which each partner recognizes the strengths and growth-edges they bring to the table," Tanner said.

Instead of placing blame on each other, discuss what more you want in your sexual dynamic. Getting into a practice of regularly masturbating can help you learn what desires you want to act out.

Tanner said working with a sex therapist can also identify areas where you and your partner can experiment with each other.

"Most of us have a capacity to grow tremendously in this area, sometimes with just a little bit of pleasure-positive, accurate sex education," Tanner said. "We have all been done a massive disservice in the way we are taught to think about sex, so your relational struggles may have more to do with misinformation and social pressure than the actuality of your connection."

While many aspects of your sex life can be improved with coaching, there are some areas of incompatibility that can't be worked through.

If a partner has a sexual kink that you can't get behind, it may be time to break up.

"Incompatibilities that tend to fall into that 'dealbreaker' zone are those that involve general orientations towards sex," Tanner said. "For example, one partner needing forms of BDSM and power play to feel enlivened, while another partner being totally disgusted by the idea."