- My friends told me not to get my hopes up for a first date, but our conversation had been good.
- The date was over the top: a French restaurant, a wine bar, and a spot overlooking the city to chat.
When he asked me out on a first date, I never expected something so special — but it was straight out of the movies. Coffee or end-of-day drinks was a perfectly fine starting point. As someone new to the world of online dating, my friends had told me not to get my hopes up and keep first dates casual in case I needed an easy escape.
My date with T. in Calgary, Alberta was definitely beyond casual, but our conversation on Bumble had been good, so even with my friends' advice, I wasn't afraid of feeling hopeful.
I was pleasantly surprised by where he took me
Maybe I was a special case or maybe it was just his Leo sun placement, but from the first few minutes, the evening was an extravagant whirlwind — minus a few speed bumps. Dressed to the nines, he picked me up and we arrived just in time for a reservation he'd made at a French restaurant.
I had barely taken in my surroundings when a server seated us, and he picked up the conversation right where we'd left off over text message. He did most of the talking, but I wasn't complaining; the food was great, and I've always enjoyed listening. We connected on everything from hobbies such as reading, to dream travel destinations, to the struggles and joys of being the older sibling. A shared love of fitness also had each of us recommending fitness classes and hiking trails to the other.
After one strange moment, we continued on our date
At one point in the meal, however, he did say one thing that left me slightly taken aback. In between bites, he advised me on how I could leave my "boring" career for something else if I acted fast. I thought it was strange, as I hadn't expressed any discontent with my career choice, but I brushed aside the comment as we wrapped up dinner and headed back to his car. Then, he told me that the night had just begun.
I was curious to see what else he had planned. After a few minutes of banter while he drove, we arrived at a wine bar as luxurious as the restaurant we had just left. When I told him wine gave me headaches, he made sure to arrange for an alternative drink not included on the menu. I appreciated the thoughtful gesture. At this point, we were well into planning more dates, including visiting haunted houses on Halloween.
It felt like we were connecting — then things changed
When we left the bar, I thought we'd go our separate ways and continue the conversation over text the next day, but he had one last thing planned: a visit to his favorite secret spot, the tallest hill overlooking the city. It was close enough to the core of the city with twinkling lights below yet far enough from their brightness that we could see sparkling stars in the sky above. It felt like it was getting to the level of first dates I'd seen only in romantic comedies. At the spot, there was a lone bench that we settled down on for hours of chatting.
This is where things started going slightly downhill. It seemed that he loved talking about work because the conversation turned back to our careers. He was a recent chiropractor graduate who had been rejected from medical school, which is possibly why he felt the need to justify the importance of his chosen field. I'm not one to judge, but his claims that chiropractors could cure cancer and eliminate the need for surgery were a little (read: very) far-fetched. After finally exhausting the topic of careers, we moved on.
I think what truly turned me off was when he asked whether I could "make round rotis." For those unaware, in my culture — we're both of Indian descent — this is a question that's often asked to suss out whether a girl will make a suitable wife. I was shocked that he asked it, especially on a first date. It felt misogynistic and weird.
Despite these red flags, we stayed in touch by text message for a few months. Then he suddenly ghosted me. That's not so unusual, but what baffles me is that he planned something so lavish for a first date — was that just his MO in a search for a suitable match? I won't ever get the answer, but I guess this is all just proof that you can go on the most luxurious date of your life, but it doesn't guarantee a lasting connection.