- A combination of inflation and wedding costs caused me to start dipping into my savings more.
- Amanda Clayman, a financial therapist, helped me create an approachable plan for budgeting.
When my fiancé and I decided to elope abroad, we thought it'd be a way to still have a beautiful ceremony and honeymoon trip in one, at a fraction of the cost of a New York City wedding.
While it'll still be a lot cheaper than renting out a restaurant or bar like we originally planned, I didn't anticipate all the costs that would add up. A combination of wedding deposits, inflation, and my laissez-faire spending habits meant I was unexpectedly dipping into my savings.
I knew I needed to budget if I wanted to keep the money I worked hard to save. To learn how, I spoke to Amanda Clayman, a financial therapist who hosts Fresh Produce Media's Audible series "Emotional Investment." In the style of a traditional therapy session, she asked me questions about my relationship with money to unpack my biggest roadblocks to saving.
I wrote down a few ideas on how I could assess my spending habits, which Clayman approved of. Then, I tracked specific habits and my overall spending over the last six months to create a realistic budget going forward.
The next step was to create a plan and attempt to budget for a month — something I tried many times but found too daunting. It ended up reassuring me about my spending habits and helping me find small, new ways to save.
Tracking only one factor made it easier to spot patterns
One of the biggest takeaways from my session with Clayman is that I'm a people-pleaser. I knew that before, but I didn't realize how much it influenced my spending habits. As Clayman herself did in her 20s, I'm accustomed to throwing down my card at dinners, regardless of whether others ordered more or if I didn't really want multiple appetizers.
Mapping out my social spending helped me zoom in on where I already know I spend the most since I'm usually good at saying no to unnecessary expenses otherwise.
I also saw that social outings aren't the only place I overspend. I tend to buy a lot of gifts and like to treat friends and family, but stubbornly invented a rule in my head that a present has to be $50 to "count." I reassessed where I might be slightly overdoing it and where I could scale back without feeling cheap or inconsiderate.
Clayman had a great tip: instead of berating myself when I look at my credit card charges, she invited me to "remember and in fact almost luxuriate in the things that you love about spending," whether a dinner with friends recharges me or a cocktail date night with my partner makes us feel more connected. That way, I could "capture that spirit in other kinds of activities that in the next month might be a little bit more budget-friendly."
I didn't lose as much money as I thought
As Clayman suggested, I reviewed my spending over the last six months and conducted a year-over-year comparison between June 2024 and June 2023.
Examining my activity, I lost a little over $1,200. When I factor in the money automatically accrued in my high-yield and CD accounts, it drops to about $870. Comparing this June to last June, when I went on a trip to Italy, I actually spent around $300 less.
Tracking my weekly spending also helped me celebrate a win: I paid off a huge statement without dipping into my savings at all.
While losing money is not ideal, I also didn't squander the thousands I thought I did. Clayman said budgeting via auto-save features and apps, which I use, can make the process more disengaging and confusing. Because I kept sending Venmo payments back and forth as well as adding savings only to take them away again, I always felt like I was draining all my money.
The wedding in particular involved a lot of pre-paid expenses that seemed to come up every month. Going forward, Clayman said we can create a post-wedding timeline for more serious savings.
Budgeting ties into my other goals
I initially reached out to Clayman because I wanted to save more for my future, particularly for my future children.
But I also wanted to be a person who doesn't take money for granted, even when I feel more financially secure. While I love traveling and trying out new restaurants, I don't want vacation and Aperol spritzes to define my personality (at least, not all of it).
Clayman said that budgeting isn't just about mechanically capping off how much you spend. It's about having a clear-eyed view of your spending and confronting the parts of yourself that might be self-sabotaging.
"That little bit of discomfort is purposeful," she said. "It helps when you are doing something that's bringing your authentic self more vulnerably and honestly out."
There's been so much I've wanted to change, even before budgeting came into the equation. I've wanted to drink less. I've wanted to cook more, especially when hosting friends. I've wanted to get into a craft like pottery, where I could even make more personal gifts. Mostly, I've just wanted to be someone who can say "no" to plans that burn me out.
Doing my best to adhere to a 50-30-20 budget pushes me to be more inventive about how I socialize. Being upfront about saving also helps me brainstorm lower-budget plans.
Clayman said that mindset is vital when you try to save. Seeing this as an opportunity to become a more honest and creative person makes budgeting feel less like a punishment or chore. Instead of limiting me, it shows me where I can keep growing.