9 ways to develop active listening skills to improve your personal and professional relationships

• Active listening is a skill you can develop by being fully present in the conversation.
• You can do this by using attentive body language, asking open-ended questions, and reflecting back.
• Avoid interrupting the person you're talking to and pause to give thoughtful replies.

When you have a conversation, are you listening just to talk back, or are you really hearing what the other person has to say? Being an active listener means that you are truly absorbing what the other person is saying.

Active listening has many benefits, one being that it makes the speaker feel validated and understood, which can lead to a more meaningful connection than if you just half-listen and wait for your turn to speak.

Since so much of our life is lived virtually in the age of social media, it can be difficult to sit with someone and have a face-to-face conversation. Active listening is a skill that can take work, but the results of better conversations and stronger social bonds are worth it.

Here are nine tips for how to be a better active listener.

1. Be present

First things first, it's important to be present when you're having a conversation with someone.

"It can be incredibly easy to become distracted or to space out when you think you are listening — we are all guilty of this. So, try to pay attention and be in the moment," says Leah Aguirre, LCSW, a psychotherapist in private practice.

This means you should avoid looking at your phone or multitasking in any other way when having a conversation.

2. Avoid interrupting

While it's easy to get excited about something or want to interject when you have a comment you want to share, it's important that you give the person the opportunity and time to fully finish their thought, Aguirre says.

Once you're sure that the person has fully completed their thought and said what they want to say, then you can go ahead and chime in.

3. Take your time

Aside from avoiding interrupting someone, you can also practice taking your time and not speaking the second the other person is done talking.

"Don't be afraid of waiting between ending a sentence and talking. Two to five seconds is not that long, and can be the difference in you answering in a calm, clear, and more thoughtful way," says Eli Weinstein, LCSW, a therapist in private practice.

4. Pay attention to your body language

How your body, face, and eyes react as someone speaks to you makes a large impact. "Be aware of your responses that you aren't saying.

Having the proper posture, position, and body language can be the difference in helping someone feel safe, seen, and attended to," says Weinstein. In order to do this, Aguirre says you should:

• Avoid crossing your arms over your chest
• Directly face the person you are speaking to
• Use hand motions that are measured and calm — rather than abrupt and aggressive
• Make direct eye contact
• Nod your head along as they speak so that they can tell you're listening

Having the proper body language may not simply make the other person feel like you're paying attention to them — it may also help you absorb the information better.

A 2015 study found that academically successful university students engaged in behaviors like making eye contact with the professor, following along with their head, and sitting up straight during lectures.

5. Ask open-ended questions

Asking genuine open-ended questions can help the person you're talking to feel like you genuinely care about what they have to say.

Asking these types of questions rather than yes or no questions can keep the conversation flowing and can give you a deeper understanding of the person who's talking, says Weinstein.

Some examples of open-ended questions vs. yes/no questions are:

• "What was the best part of your day?" vs. "Did you have a good day?"
• "What were the best and hardest parts of your childhood?" vs. "Did you have a good childhood?"
• "What's the best or most rewarding part of your job?" vs. "Do you like your job?"

6. Ask follow-up questions

Asking follow-up questions shows that you're paying attention and interested in learning more. Aguirre says you can do this when there's a lull in the conversation or to keep a conversation going further.

Build off of what the person has already said to dig deeper. She says some examples of prompts you can use in conversion are:

• "And then what happened?"
• "How has it been since ____?"
• "How are you feeling about ____?"

7. Ask clarifying questions

Active listening isn't just about hearing someone — it's about really understanding what the other person is saying.

"You don't want to just be agreeable or nod for the sake of pretending you understand. If you aren't sure what the other person is trying to say or communicate, ask. This shows that you are invested and want to truly connect," says Aguirre.

8. Reflect back

In order to make the other person feel like they're truly being heard, you can use reflective statements that summarize the points that they're making or how they're feeling.

"For example, if your friend is describing work-related issues or conflict you could respond with, 'It sounds like work has been stressful.' This allows you to convey that you are attuned to the other person," says Aguirre.

People will appreciate the way they feel during conversations where you're an active listener. A 2014 study found that those who spoke to active listeners felt more understood as opposed to those who spoke to people who gave unsolicited advice.

9. Be patient with yourself

If you're not used to being a present, active listener, making these changes and putting them to use effectively can take time.

"This is a process of trial and error and finding out what works for you and how you show up differently in every new and recurring situation," says Weinstein.

It may be easiest to start practicing active listening with close trusted friends or family members who you already feel comfortable with so you can build confidence.

Additionally, practicing mindfulness may help you to be a better active listener, too. A 2016 study found that those who were mindful were more likely to be empathetic active listeners.

Insider's takeaway

Active listening is a skill that can take time to build. As with any other skill, practice makes perfect.

The more you practice having conversations and being an active listener, the better you'll get at it. As a result, you may notice the added benefit of your relationships becoming stronger and more meaningful.