- Alexithymia is described as "emotional blindness" and means people can't name or recognize emotions.
- It often stems from childhood trauma, where disconnecting from emotions is a coping mechanism.
Emotions can affect our mood, personal relationships, and work. But imagine if you weren't able to recognize, name, or connect with your emotions. That's what life is like for people with alexithymia, a phenomenon that has also been called "emotional blindness."
"Alexithymia is characterized by a person being out of touch with themselves and others," said Lincoln Stoller, a California psychotherapist who has worked with and had relationships with people who have alexithymia.
The name comes from Greek and means "no words for emotions." Here's what everyone should know about this trait, which affects up to 10% of the general population, a study published by Frontiers found.
Alexithymia occurs on a spectrum
Like autism spectrum disorder, alexithymia varies in degrees of severity.
"There is a pretty broad spectrum of a person's ability to be emotional," Stoller said.
Some people might find that their inability to recognize their emotions means they can't sustain relationships because they're unable to meet their partner's emotional needs and be empathetic. Others might learn about emotions and gain coping skills that help them "pass" in day-to-day life so that their impairment is less noticeable to others.
How people with alexithymia learn about emotions
Some people with alexithymia have described learning about emotions from observing others. They know they're socially expected to act happy at weddings or sad at funerals, but they may feel like they're acting or faking it when they make an effort to display emotions.
Stoller told Insider it's really difficult to help someone with alexithymia truly understand emotions such as joy, frustration, and even love.
"How do you describe a color to someone who's never seen it?" he said. "How do you explain the emotional world to an unemotional person?"
People with alexithymia may feel only specific emotions
People with alexithymia may feel some emotions, including fear and joy, Stoller said. The emotions that they can connect with, how intense those emotions are, and how much the person can recognize them vary from person to person.
"It's not accurate to say that they're missing emotions," he said. "It's more accurate to say they're missing certain emotions."
Research has found that some people with alexithymia, including teens, might display riskier behaviors, including partaking in dangerous sports or excessively using drugs or alcohol. A Frontiers-published study found the trait was also related to an increased risk for suicide.
It often stems from trauma
Oftentimes, people with alexithymia have experienced trauma, particularly in childhood. For them, disconnecting from emotions can be a subconscious coping mechanism that the brain and body use without a person actively choosing to suppress their emotions, Stoller said.
"Trauma causes you to block off the things that are difficult, frightening, or threatening," including emotional connection, Stoller said.
It's most common in people who have other health concerns
Alexithymia is most common in people who have mental or health disorders, especially autism spectrum disorder. About half of people with the disorder have alexithymia, and people with autism are about 10 times as likely as people without it to have alexithymia.
Mental-health disorders — including depression, anxiety, panic disorder, and obsessive-compulsive disorder — are associated with an increased likelihood for alexithymia. On the other hand, having alexithymia can increase the chances of someone developing post-traumatic stress disorder, one study found.
Repetitive conflict can be a sign of alexithymia
Alexithymia can be difficult to recognize, since people with it often don't understand emotions and therefore don't quite know what they're missing, Stoller said. But having a lot of conflict in relationships can be a sign of alexithymia that people might notice in their lives.
One person whom Stoller knows with the impairment has a repeating pattern of being involved in one to two relationships a year, none of which last for more than six months. The relationships "don't just end — they end in disaster because there's a real miscommunication going on," Stoller said.
Before people can recognize that their conflicts could be a sign of alexithymia, they must recognize that their own emotional unawareness is contributing to conflict, he said. That can be rare.
"Most people blame their conflict on others," he said.
The right treatment can help people with alexithymia
With therapy, people with alexithymia can learn to connect with their emotions, Stoller said. Since it has roots in the brain, therapy can help reestablish emotional connections that were subconsciously severed in response to trauma.
However, the process can take a long time, or even be lifelong, he said.
"You have to be very patient," Stoller said.
With time and effort, many people can develop coping strategies for their alexithymia that allow them to reduce its influence on their lives.