- Adult children living at home is a common occurence these days.
- Insider talked to therapist Dr. Kristie Overstreet about navigating this living situation and its complexities.
Whether they're looking to save money or aren't ready to leave the nest yet, adults living at home are becoming increasingly common.
In fact, according to the 2021 data from the US Census Bureau, one-in-three US adults between the ages of 18-34 still live at home with their parents, per Pew Research Center.
While this living arrangement can benefit adults getting back on their feet or in between jobs, it can also be fraught with challenging dynamics.
For example, adults might be concerned about setting healthy boundaries while respecting their parents' authority or stunting their personal growth while living at home.
With this in mind, Insider spoke with therapist Dr. Kristie Overstreet and got her top tips for adults still living at home.
Here are five of her suggestions.
Be clear about your needs to set boundaries
According to Overstreet, an important part of successfully living as an adult at home is communicating your needs upfront. This helps establish boundaries and maintain respect, Overstreet said.
She gave examples of setting boundaries around privacy and curfews, which can be tricky for an adult who is used to setting their schedule.
Overstreet recommends having an open dialogue, and if met with opposition, having a conversation about it.
"It's really thinking about what those needs are living at home and really calling out any potential obstacles that you know might pop up and talking about them early," Overstreet said.
Overstreet adds that it's necessary to keep parents' needs in mind and cautions that these conversations can be frustrating if people do not see eye to eye.
"When it comes to communication, it's really important to not jump and get defensive," Overstreet said. Arguments can occur, but Overstreet recommends circling back and letting your parents know you're sorry once they pass.
She says as an adult, you can have "personal ownership of your feelings, as well as your actions, toward your parents that maybe you weren't able to do as a younger person."
Maintain your sense of independence through structure
It can be difficult to maintain a sense of autonomy under your parents' roof, especially for adults moving back home after being on their own.
To combat this perceived loss of independence, Overstreet recommends taking charge of things you can control.
"That would look like you taking care of yourself, being responsible for your laundry. You're saying, 'Hey, I'm, I'm taking care of my laundry. I'm taking care of my meals. I'm not gonna depend on parents for those things,'" Overstreet said.
"If a parent does make a meal and shares it, well that's great. Maybe the next time I make a meal I can share it with them," Overstreet continued.
Overstreet says it's all about continuing to live as if you were still on your own because she acknowledges that moving home can be a knock to one's self-esteem.
Establish your own space away from your parents
Depending on your parent's home, finding your own space can be hard. Overstreet realizes this and has some suggestions.
Overstreet recommends making your room your own studio apartment.
For example, she says that a small mini fridge with snacks and drinks or a work-from-home setup can make you feel self-sufficient.
Overstreet says another thing that goes hand in hand with having your own separate space and creating autonomy is controlling how and when you interact with your parents.
She advises that adults make it clear that, despite physically living at home, they have other obligations and might not want to socialize with the family all the time.
Overstreet proposes setting aside allotted time to hang out with family like you would a roommate, but she also says that regular check-ins when you're passing through or have a free moment are also good ways to keep them in the loop.
"It rolls back to that communication and just being real open with that," Overstreet said.
Give yourself realistic and specific goals regarding living at home
Overstreet is aware that it can feel like a step backward to live at home as an adult, but there are ways to avoid backsliding.
"I would encourage you to set a few, not too many, really specific goals for living at home and get super specific," Overstreet said.
These goals could be a certain amount of money you would like to save while living at home or a job you would like to land before you feel comfortable moving out.
Overstreet says these goals keep you on track and recommends laying them out visually.
"Put them somewhere visual so you can see them every day to show that you're working towards that because there are those rough days. You're like, 'Oh gosh, I am regressing. I'm not doing enough,'" Overstreet said.
Overstreet adds that reminding yourself the situation is only temporary can be helpful.
"This is just a season I'm in, and in this season, I want to be as independent as possible and then also maybe be grateful that I have this space to land for this season in my life," Overstreet said.
It all comes back to respect
Overstreet says that mutual respect is imperative for this kind of living arrangement.
"Respect is a two-way street, and it means different things to different people," Overstreet said. She adds that it's key to acknowledge you only have control over your actions and can't control what your parents do.
"The best way that we can have healthy relationship dynamics however it looks, is to model and put out what we want to receive back," Overstreet said.
"So if we're living up on our end and they're not, at least we're doing our end, and that will help us set better boundaries," she continued.