5 things I wish I knew about twins before I had my identical twins

• I'm a mom of three kids, including a set of identical twin girls.
• When I found out I was pregnant with twins I was scared and in denial.

I found out I was pregnant with twins very early on in my pregnancy. I had a missed miscarriage after my son was born and required surgery, so my OB-GYN had me come immediately to her office when I told her I had a positive pregnancy test.

I remember the silence in the room vividly while the technician performed that first ultrasound. I couldn't see the screen, but I could see her face and knew something was off. When she said she needed to get the doctor, I braced for bad news again.

"Congratulations, you're having twins!" My doctor walked in with a huge smile, and my husband, who was with me in the room, burst out laughing. I was numb.

My postpartum experience with my son was not easy. I loved him but struggled to find my new role as a mom, plan things around his schedule, and deal with the lack of sleep that comes with a newborn. I had wanted more children after him, just not two at the same time.

It took me weeks to come around to the idea of having twins, and I focused on doing as much research as I could to be prepared for their monumental arrival. I wish I could go back in time and tell myself that everything was going to be more than OK. Here's what I learned.

I never confused my twins

One of my initial worries was never being able to tell them apart. We have friends and family with twins, and I never know who is who. I was afraid of feeding the same baby twice or confusing their names.

When we first came back from the hospital, I kept their identifying bracelets, which said Baby A and Baby B, just in case. When those became too tight as they gained weight, I painted their toenails different colors.

The reality is that to me, they are totally different physically. I don't see them alike at all and have never, in their almost three years of life, confused them.

They are not twice much work — it's more than that

I heard from so many singleton parents that having twins would be double the work, but that's not entirely accurate.

While there are double the diapers to change, bottles to clean, and clothes to put away, it feels like much more than that. Having a 2-year-old at the time they were born also didn't help, because my husband and I were outnumbered and had to juggle everyone's needs at the same time.

My twins were born weeks before the world shut down due to COVID-19, so it was just my husband, me, and our kids, with no outside help. We quickly learned to let go of perfection and focus on the immediate needs of our children.

There would eventually be time for cute outfits and non-pizza meals for the adults in the future, but right after birth, we were trying to stay afloat.

Keeping them on a schedule is key

While we were preparing for birth, every parent of multiples we spoke to told us to keep our twins on the same schedule. We followed their lead. If one woke up in the middle of the night for milk, we would wake up the other and feed them too. This meant that we were able to get at least four-hour chunks of sleep from day one.

Only once we decided to let them be and see what happened. We quickly regretted it because they alternated being up every two hours, giving us no time to do anything.

Yes, my hands are full all the time

Every time we go out in public people comment on how many kids close in age we have, and 99% of the time that's followed by "You have your hands full."

While I'm sure people are trying to commiserate, it's kind of annoying. I don't need a reminder of how hectic our lives are every time we do something as a family. Especially since for their first two years we did almost nothing — a combination of being COVID-cautious and the logistics of having twin babies and a toddler to contend with.

My twins don't need two of the same thing

One of my first concerns about having twins was how much stuff we were going to need. While we needed to get two of the essentials — car seats, cribs, high chairs — that wasn't the case with most things.

We wanted to encourage sharing from the beginning and also knew from our experience with our first child that babies don't need much for their first years. Our three kids kept themselves entertained with empty diaper boxes and silicone spatulas more than with actual toys.

This has allowed us to reduce the clutter we have at home and be more mindful of what we purchase.

We also don't dress them in matching outfits because we want our kids to explore their individuality from an early age. I imagine it must be hard to grow up with someone who looks exactly like you, so we want them to be themselves and not "the twins."