5 signs you grew up with a passive parent, even if they were the 'fun' one

• Passive parents can be childlike and fun to be around.
• But they withdraw at the first sign of conflict and won't protect their kids from possible abuse.

There are several types of emotionally immature parents according to Dr. Lindsay C. Gibson, a clinical psychologist specializing in dysfunctional families. These include reactive parents, emotionally absent parents, and overly critical parents.

There's also a fourth type of emotionally immature parent: the passive parent.

According to Gibson, passive parents can be really fun to be around. The problem is, they are passive about actually parenting — anything that isn't easy and light sends them running.

"They don't step in if the other parent is being volatile or even abusive, and they kind of let the kid fend for themselves," Gibson said. And because they're passive by nature, they tend to end up with partners who are more eruptive and self-absorbed, she told Business Insider.

While they can encourage their child more than an emotionally absent parent does, they also fail to show up when their kid is anything but happy. Gibson shared some signs that you grew up with a passive parent, and how it might be impacting your life even now.

1. Your parent felt more like a friend

Unlike a parent who yells or ignores you, the passive parent is more childlike themselves and can be really comforting to be around, Gibson said.

'They're often the favorite parent because they have that kind of sympathy for being a child," she said. "They're kind of floating along and they can be very sweet companions to children." They're that parent you can have a blast playing with or who is always willing to go to a theme park.

But what makes them emotionally immature is their inability to handle their emotions. Instead of screaming, however, they withdraw when there's any discomfort.

"Like a kind of uncertain child, they might pull back or they might hesitate, might defer to the more dominant parent," Gibson said. "But that can be very damaging by default when you don't protect your child from a more forceful parent."

2. You avoid sharing any uncomfortable feelings

A passive parent might not just avoid conflict with their partner, but may also dodge it with their own kid, Gibson said. The kid then learns that "positive" emotions, like joy and optimism, are good to show, but being angry, upset, or frustrated will make their cheerful parent pull away.

"They may feel like the parent is starting to withdraw and avoid the relationship with them because they think that they have made it too uncomfortable," she said. You might become a people-pleaser, learning to cope by not being direct or asking for what you want.

According to Gibson, the subconscious lesson you learn is "Try to put up with everything that happens, because that's what love is, and always be a nice person."

3. You feel stuck and helpless in your relationships

Because you've learned that sharing more complex feelings is inherently bad, you can end up in dissatisfying friendships and romantic partnerships.

"These lessons are a setup for unhappy relationships because there's no direct communication, there's no emotional sharing, and there's the sense that everything will get better if you just avoid dealing with it," Gibson said.

This makes healthy relationships difficult because true intimacy requires embracing disagreement and being vulnerable, she said.

4. You let life happen to you instead of taking charge

Passive parents don't just teach you to avoid conflict in your relationships, but in other contexts as well including work and school.

Gibson said having a passive parent "can really have repercussions on your success in a career because that parent modeled a kind of passive orientation to life where you let things happen to you."

From her experience with her clients, passive parents often don't understand their kids' ambitions or why they would put themselves through something challenging. To them, the best life involves letting things just fall into your lap.

As a result, you can feel discouraged from pursuing something grander, such as moving to a new country, switching career paths, or leaving a marriage — risks that could all lead to greater happiness (or at least a valuable learning experience).

5. Asking for more is a huge step for you

If you're afraid of inconveniencing people and taking risks, advocating for yourself is an enormous step for you.

If you don't believe that you deserve more, you may avoid voicing your opinion, asking for a promotion, or even just standing out at all, Gibson said. "You might not grab that opportunity or you might back down from a work conflict that could have the potential to really improve things for you," she said.