- I've analyzed and worked with dreams for the past 30 years.
- Dreams of cheating don't necessarily predict the future.
I wake up from a dream covered in sweat and fury. I roll over, elbowing my tangled in sheets boyfriend in our southern California beachy apartment. Arousing him from slumber, "You were with her again!" I accuse.
In a croaky voice, he defends, "Really? How many times have I told you it's just a dream."
Detecting a guilty inflection in his voice, I mumble, "Gaslighter."
The next day, I dragged my ex to therapy, where he confessed that what I'd seen in my dream was what had occurred.
I dumped said boyfriend after that therapy session, and a few years later, I met the amazing man I've been married to for the past 20 years, thanks to another series of vivid dreams.
These days, I'm known as "Doctor Dream," and considered a dream expert — someone who's worked in the dream space for the past 30 years and has written six books on the subject. Because of the dream mentioned above, I suggest we consider "cheating" dreams symbolically; however, if they recur, do a reality check, like having a "Come to Jesus" talk with your partner.
From my experience working with thousands of dreams and dreamers, the following is what I've found to be the top five most common relationship dreams and what they mean. I hope these inspire you to pay more attention to your dreams and discover what they mean to you — since you are the authority of your own dreams. Perhaps they'll help you find the missing puzzle piece you've been seeking to improve your romantic life.
My partner is cheating on me
If you dream of being betrayed by your partner, as I did in the above story, and you've already done the "reality check" and come up cold, consider the dream may be prompting you to ask yourself, "Have I cheated myself out on an opportunity? Am I settling for less than I'm worth?" This dream might be a message to face your insecurities and tattoo Shakespeare's wise words upon your heart, "To thine own self be true."
I'm cheating on my partner
If you have this dream, ask yourself, "Do I believe I have to sneak beyond the parameters of my moral code to meet my needs?" This dream might prompt you to create new boundaries or help you heal any shame regarding your desire for variety and adventure. Perhaps these dreams are helping you discover, in the consequence-free zone of dreams, whether or not the grass is greener.
I'm having sex with…
Since everyone and everything in the dream is an aspect of the dreamer, sexual dreams are the ultimate "hall pass." Congratulate yourself on being a warm-blooded human being with a natural valve to allow your inner self to explore your pleasure principle. Whether your sensual encounter is with your boss, favorite celebrity, or next of kin, refrain from judging and instead ask: "What does this represent to me?" Your description will reveal the aspect of self in which you are intimately bonding to make you more whole and powerful.
Unrequited and uninvited
Dreams of rejection could be helping you process a situation in which you feel you were forsaken or dishonored. These dreams are a telltale sign that the shadow is present. Ask yourself, "What aspect of myself am I trying to run from, hide or delete?" Once you identify this aspect, know self-love is the best and ultimate antidote.
When you dream of your ex
Dreams of an ex don't necessarily mean you still carry a torch for them (although sometimes they do). This dream may be a stroll down memory lane so you can learn from your mistakes, making it easier to proceed in love without feeling destined to repeat the past. These dreams may also help you resurrect buried aspects of your power you left behind in a previous relationship, so you can reclaim what is rightfully yours and, more heartedly, love the one you're with.
Kelly Sullivan Walden, aka Doctor Dream, is the author of many books on dreams. Her latest book is "A Crisis Is A Terrible Thing To Waste," and her upcoming book is "Stripped: Dancing with My Demons in the City of Angels." To receive her free JETSET dream interpretation worksheet, go to: www.KellySullivanWalden.com.