5 easy ways to try BDSM with your partner if you've never done it before

It's important you and your partner are on the same page about what you two want to try.

If you want to try handcuffs, choking, nipple clamps, and other acts that fall under the BDSM umbrella, you should both consent to try them beforehand.

Agreeing on smaller acts like hair pulling, spanking, and trying out demeaning names you two have agreed on beforehand like "wimp" or "slut" can help you build a foundation of trust doing BDSM before moving onto bigger acts.

Safewords are words you can set before having sex to signal to your partner you want to stop or something is too rough.

While you could use "stop" as your safeword, it's typically discouraged because it can be used playfully in BDSM.

If part of your kink includes telling your partner to stop while they ignore you, other safewords that don't naturally make it into your dirty talk work great.

"Choose a word that you can use during play to stop what's going on at any time. For example, I use 'red.' If I were to say 'red' at any point during a scene, my partner must remove me from any bondage situation and check-in to see if I am ok," Rios told Insider.

"You can also set other words like 'yellow' to say something is uncomfortable, but you still want to continue. For example, if the spanking is too hard and needs to be lighter. This lets your partner know you want to proceed, but there needs to be an adjustment."

Safewords are important to protect you and your partner's safety.

"You do not need to dive straight into rope suspension or heavy flogging. It would not be safe and would likely be intimidating for your partner," Rios told Insider.

While wooden spoons may not seem like an obvious option, Rio said they can be great for beginners.

"I know it may sound weird to bring a kitchen item into the bedroom, but that is what dishwashers are for," Rios said. "These can be a great spanking tool to use on the butt, breast, or inner thigh."

Checking in on your partner after having sex and trying BDSM is crucial to making sure both of you are comfortable. Cuddling, kissing, and words of affirmation can all be great forms of aftercare.

"While we may want our partner to dress as a demanding authoritarian who exacts humiliating punishments on us during kinky play, that's not how we want them to treat us during the normal course of our relationship," wrote Katy Thorn for Lelo, a sex toy company. "Aftercare functions as a 'recalibration' for the normalcy of your relationship."

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