- Sex therapist Laurie Mintz shared "homework assignments" for making orgasming easier.
- On the podcast Sex & Psychology, Mintz said educating yourself about your genitals is step one.
If you've ever fixated on having an orgasm, then grown frustrated when you can't get there, sex therapist Laurie Mintz says you're not alone.
Mintz made a recent appearance on sex researcher Justin Lehmiller podcast Sex & Psychology to offer tips for navigating sexual problems without going to therapy.
Mintz, who is also the author of "Becoming Cliterate," said that not all sex-related issues require professional help. While severe genital pain, consistent erection problems, and difficulty with sex after cheating could warrant trips to a professional, frustration over orgasms can typically be solved with self-education and practice, Mintz told Lehmiller.
She explained why focusing on a climax during sex can be counterproductive, and offered tips to increase your chances of orgasming easily.
Learn about your genital anatomy
Both men and women should study their own anatomy more closely if they want to have easier orgasms, according to Mintz.
She suggested pulling up a diagram of your genitals so you know the anatomical names of each part and how they relate to pleasure.
Mintz said men may have a better understanding of what feels good to them because they regularly touch their penises when they go to the bathroom.
For women, interacting with and examining your vulva is more taboo, so making an intentional effort can boost comfortability and confidence while you navigate pleasure down there, according to Mintz.
Masturbate and watch videos of orgasms
Once you know yourself better, put your knowledge to action through self-pleasure, which is the best way to have regular orgasms, Mintz said.
"If you can get past the guilt, you don't have to tell someone, 'Move your hand to the right or move your hand to the left.
If you don't feel ready to masturbate, Mintz suggested touching yourself differently in the shower than you normally would.
She also said watching non-pornographic content of women orgasming, like videos on pleasure education website OMGYes or vintage videos of sex educator Betty Dodson, can provide realistic examples of a climax.
Then, try pleasuring yourself without the goal-oriented mindset of, "I have to come," Mintz said. Instead, "immerse yourself in the pleasure," she said.
Practice mindfulness
If you find you mind wanders during masturbation or sex, practice your mind-body connection during daily tasks like brushing your teeth, Mintz said.
She said to focus on the sensations in your mouth. When you notice you mind begins to focus on something else, which it will, to take note and bring it back to the current teeth-brushing sensation.
The better you get at this, the more you'll be able to do it, including during masturbation, according to Mintz.
Tell your partner what you've learned and have them try it on you
Finally, apply your orgasm homework to partnered sex.
"Once you know how to masturbate on your own, then you use communication and creativity to get the same type of stimulation alone a you do with a partner," Mintz said.