3 ways you can enjoy oral sex even more, according to a sex educator

• Many women avoid receiving oral sex because of anxiety about how their genitals look or smell, or their performance.
• Sex educator Emily Morse says it doesn't have to be this way and that education and self-acceptance exercises can help.

Receiving oral sex is supposed to be a joyful experience packed with pleasure. But for many women, it's anxiety-provoking to have their partners go down on them.

Some say it's because oral sex makes them feel too self-conscious about how they look or smell, while other women worry that they'll take too long to orgasm and cause their partners to get frustrated with them. Because of these concerns, many have resigned to believe that receiving oral sex just isn't for them.

But we aren't predestined to love or hate receiving oral sex. Often, overcoming sexual shame and a lack of confidence can help someone realize they actually can enjoy receiving head, Emily Morse, a sex educator and podcast host writes in her book "Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure."

Morse, who told the New York Post she once had 23 orgasms in one night, outlined three specifics strategies for overcoming the anxiety of feeling exposed while receiving oral sex. They are: Rewiring your brain, understanding what you put in your body and its impact, and learning to accept your own genitals.

You can rewire your brain to enjoy receiving oral sex

According to Morse, a common reason women may struggle with enjoying oral sex is because they get stuck in their heads.

Breaking away from racing thoughts that can mess with the mind-body connection is essential for feeling sexual pleasure and climaxing, Morse wrote in her book. That's why she suggests a mindful masturbation practice where you visualize yourself receiving oral sex.

To do this, Morse said to stimulate yourself while solo, using your preferred method, like a vibrator or your hands. As you do this, try to picture the sensations are coming from a partner's tongue instead of the method you're using alone, Morse wrote.

When you commit to this practice, you're taking advantage of the feel-good hormone dopamine, which the body naturally produces during orgasms, according to Morse.

"By imagining yourself receiving oral while you orgasm, you are leveraging dopamine to teach your brain that receiving oral is super pleasurable," Morse wrote.

Understand that your diet affects how your genitals smell

A lack of comprehensive sex education has led to damaging myths about the vulva and vagina, namely that they're supposed to smell fresh and flower-like.

For some women, these assumptions can cause them to worry that a partner who gives oral sex will find them off-putting.

But it's normal for your vaginal secretions to have a distinct and non-floral scent that changes throughout the month, as Morse stressed in her book. She said that people shouldn't use perfumes or douches on their genitals to mask any scents, since the ingredients can lead to irritation or infections.

Instead, Morse suggested learning about how certain substances you consume can change the scent or taste of genital secretions, including semen and vaginal fluids.

Indeed, when someone excessively eats fast food, smokes cigarettes, or drinks alcohol or caffeinated beverages, it can change the chemical makeup of their genital secretions, creating a more off-putting smell or taste.

Look at your genitals more often

Finally, Morse said getting a closer and more frequent look at your genitals can stop you from feeling overexposed when a partner's head is between your legs.

She said that people with vulvas often assume theirs are "gross" or "misshapen" because we rarely see depictions of unaltered genitals.

"Maybe we've seen some vulvas that look one particular way in the porn we've watched and compared them to ours. However, every vulva is different," Morse wrote.

Penis owners can also experience the same feelings of inadequacy about their genitals. Morse said she's heard men's concerns that their penises are too small, too curved, or even too big.

Since there is no "right" way for a vulva or penis to look, Morse said getting acquainted with your own is the best way to overcome any shame you might feel.

She recommended grabbing a hand mirror and exploring your vulva, touching it and checking out "everything you've got going on down there." Penis owners can do the same to shed sexual shame, Morse said.

"Ultimately, this exercise isn't about convincing yourself that your genitals are 'perfect' or 'the best,'" but it's about finding neutral acceptance for how you look down there, Morse wrote.