Science- A first date rarely leads to an instant connection, but that's OK, dating coaches told Insider.
- You should almost always go on a second date, according to dating coach Erika Ettin.
After a first date, it can be difficult to tell how you feel about someone. Media representations of love could lead us to believe that there should be an instant spark, an undeniable connection that proves going on a second date is worthwhile for you and your potential lover.
But according to Erika Ettin, a dating coach who has worked with thousands of clients, you should almost always say yes to a second date, even if you don't see metaphorical fireworks during your initial meet-cute.
"The whole point of dating is to see if you like each other enough to keep dating. Going on a second date is never a waste of time," Ettin told Insider.
In fact, a second date is an opportune time to learn more about your match's values, passions, and family, Sara Tick, a men's dating coach and therapist, said.
She told Insider that first dates can often be nerve-wracking for both parties, which can get in the way of understanding true chemistry. "If you had a good enough time, you should go on a second date," Tick said.
To better understand what "good enough" entails, both dating coaches shared signs to look out for during your first date that suggest a second date is worthwhile.
You genuinely laughed or smiled during the date
It may seem almost too simple, but having a great, or even decently nice, time on a first date is enough proof that you should go for a second date, according to Ettin.
According to Ettin, it's nearly impossible to gauge sexual chemistry on a first date. Focusing on how the date made you feel in a neutral setting, then, is a more helpful way to decide about a second meetup.
Ettin suggested asking yourself if you felt attractive on the first date, and if it felt like your match took a genuine interest in you. If that's the case, ask them out again, Ettin said.
You can't say with 100% certainty whether you're compatible or not
If someone is feeling wishy-washy about a second date because they worry that it will bring on unwanted expectations, Ettin said it's a sign to go for it.
In Ettin's experience, many singles skip out on second dates because they're worried their uncertainty about a match could make another meetup a waste of time.
She tries to get her clients out of that mindset, telling them that they should pursue a second meetup if they're at all unsure about their connection. According to Ettin, this is not leading someone on; It's exploring your connection further.
"The worst that happens is that you prove yourself right, and realize they're not the best match for you. That's still time well spent, and worthwhile information to have," Ettin said.
Unless your first date reveals irreconcilable values or lifestyle preferences — like opposing political views or differing desires around family planning — you won't be wasting anyone's time, Tick added.
You have unanswered questions, or feel a pull to know more about them
Tick said that she's seen many singles make the mistake of discounting someone on a first date because there isn't an obvious sign they're a match.
A first date is mainly a vibe check, so you shouldn't expect to scratch more than the surface with the person you're meeting, according to Tick. In fact, she said that having unanswered questions about your date is a sign you should go out again.
Having curiosities about someone is a sign that you'll most likely have enjoyable and intriguing conversations during a second meetup, Tick said.
"If you are open and willing to learn more about your date on a deeper level, say 'yes' to date number two," she said.