3 signs you have a Golden Retriever boyfriend — and why the bar for men is so low in relationships

• Golden Retriever boyfriends are the hottest trend in dating right now.
• They are sweet, affectionate, and attentive — much like the beloved dog breed.

Dating trends like situationships, ghosting, and breadcrumbing can make modern romance feel depressing.

Perhaps that's why the idea of the Golden Retriever boyfriend, a man with personality traits that resemble the reliable and friendly beloved dog breed, has caught people's attention recently — particularly straight women. The concept first popped up on TikTok in 2021 and recently exploded online after Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce (widely considered a classic GRB) became official.

The trend seems positive overall to Dr. Annie Zimmerman, a psychotherapist based in London, who shares psychology and relationship advice online as Your Pocket Therapist.

What is a Golden Retriever boyfriend?

"My understanding is it's quite a positive thing. A man who's just nice and really caring of their partner," Zimmerman, the author of the upcoming book "Your Pocket Therapist: Break Free from Old Patterns," told Business Insider, "they're just always present and excited to see you."

However, for Zimmerman, it also highlights a sad reality about dating. "I found it quite sad in a way that in the modern dating times we're in just a nice person is being labeled as a Golden Retriever, as if it's so rare to have a person who's affectionate and loving," she said.

While the trend puts a spotlight on men who are sensitive, gentle, and emotionally open, and offers a welcome shift away from the "bad boy" trope, these are basic requirements for a partner to have in a healthy relationship.

Zimmerman also pointed out that men who are attentive and considerate are deemed remarkable, while women are simply expected to embody these traits.

"Why aren't we speaking of Golden Retriever girlfriends? Would they be seen as clingy or needy for being friendly and attentive?" she said.

In the past, many women needed men to provide for them financially, but today they're looking for something very different. They want someone who is emotionally mature and can boost them up, which comes from having a loving, positive, and happy partner, Zimmerman said.

"I think a lot of people are finding that with men they're not getting what they want. They're in situationships or they're being ghosted and you have to work quite hard to find someone who treats you nicely," she said.

So if you're curious whether you're with one of these mystical men, or want to know what to look out for, here are eight traits of a Golden Retriever Boyfriend AKA a nice partner.

Golden Retriever boyfriend personality traits

They're attentive, eager to please, and enjoy doing things for you

These can be very positive traits if they're coming from a healthy desire to want to love your partner the best way that you can, Zimmerman said, but there needs to be a balance.

What are known as acts of service — such as planning an elaborate date or doing the dishes — and gift-giving are two of the five love languages, a popular concept that categorizes how people prefer to give and receive love, and wanting to meet your partner's needs is a part of any healthy relationship.

But, being eager to please or overly attentive can also be a sign of people pleasing, not being able to say no, or not being able to express a negative feeling or a difference in opinion, Zimmerman said. That can easily lead to resentment and the sacrificing of your own needs for the other person.

They're affectionate, loving, and sweet

If someone is used to being treated badly or feels deep down that it's what they deserve due to low self-esteem, they may be attracted to that kind of treatment because it's familiar, Zimmerman said.

"But I think the aim is to have a partner who's nice to you," she said, jokingly describing this as "the gold standard."

They don't cause drama and are easy to be with

Having difficult conversations and conflict in a relationship is healthy, Zimmerman said, as always being agreeable and never having conflict isn't necessarily healthy. But it doesn't have to be dramatic.

"It can be done in a very loving, rational, calm way," she said.