3 questions you should ask your dating app match if they're in an open relationship, according to a polyamorous therapist

• If you're new to consensually non-monogamous relationships, dating apps can feel overwhelming.
• If you're unsure how or why a person is using the label "non-monogamous," you should ask open-ended questions, a therapist said.

If you're new to dating people who practice consensual non-monogamy, or having sex or relationships with more than one partner, you could find yourself wondering how the lifestyle works.

People who practice non-monogamy don't stick to traditional relationship "rules," and instead agree upon their own rules within each relationship they have, Rachel Wright, a therapist who is also in a polyamorous relationship, told Insider.

On dating apps, it can be hard to tell what a stranger means when they say they're in an open relationship. The only way to find out is to ask open-ended questions and educate yourself on non-monogamy, Wright said.

You might see yourself fitting into one match's non-monogamous lifestyle, while another's setup won't work for your needs.

What is your setup like?

Non-monogamous relationships can vary. People in polyamorous dynamics, for example, tend to have multiple romantic partners they date and their connection goes beyond the physical. Quite literally, polyamory means "multiple loves," Insider previously reported.

There are also open relationships and swinging, and the individual boundaries and rules partners agree to in each of the three non-monogamous dynamics are unique, according to Wright.

That's why asking about a dating app match's setup as a non-monogamous person can help you better understand how their relationship functions.

"Then it's really up to you to decide, do you trust that? Do you want to ask more questions? You're not going to get a signed contract from their other partner that's like, 'I consent to what's going on,' so part of it comes back to using your intuition and asking these questions," Wright said.

What level of intimacy and commitment are you looking for?

A non-monogamous person's relationship setup could affect how much time you spend together, which could impact how deeply the connection can grow. Asking about this explicitly can help you decide if your physical and emotional needs match up with your match's, Wright said.

There's no right or wrong answer here, just one that does or doesn't align with what you're seeking, she said.

Can you tell me more about your primary partner?

If your match has a primary partner, you should ask about them if it's important to you, said Wright.

She said if you'd like to meet your match's primary partner in person, let your match know that doing so would make you feel more comfortable with the arrangement.

If they say they are only dating on their own (rather than dating as a couple, as swingers do), or give a specific reason for not wanting to schedule a three-way coffee date, use your judgment, Wright said.

"You can always ask and let that other person say, 'You know what, we just met, and I'm not comfortable sharing all of this. It doesn't seem like this is a fit.' And then it's like, 'Cool, for it to be a good fit for me, I need more information. So it's not a good fit,'" Wright said.

Educate yourself on what healthy non-monogamous relationships look like

To better understand the non-monogamous dynamic you want, Wright suggested reading "The Ethical Slut" by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy.

She also recommended following the social media accounts of people in healthy non-monogamous relationships and reflecting on your own personal relationship with love, jealousy, and emotional triggers.