2 tips to stop being awkward in conversation, according to a social scientist who wrote a book on awkwardness
- It's impossible to avoid socially awkward moments entirely, but this social scientist has a few strategies.
- Ty Tashiro told the Atlantic's "How to talk to people" podcast he does mental prep before going to events.
Few people escaped the pandemic unscathed by some degree of social awkwardness."It's not just you. We're all socially awkward now," a 2021 Washington Post headline opined.
Even as "normal" life has resumed, it's impossible to avoid cringe-inducing interactions entirely. In fact, there may be some benefit to them. A small study found expressing feelings of awkwardness and attempting to resolve them head-on can create a "re-established sense of social harmony" with others.
That said, if you want to work on smoothing out your social interactions, we're here to help.
Ty Tashiro, a social scientist who wrote a book on awkwardness called "Awkward: The Science of Why We're Socially Awkward and Why That's Awesome" — and who says he is awkward himself — broke down his tips for feeling less socially awkward in a recent episode of the Atlantic's "How to talk to people" podcast.
Do some mental preparation before your event
Prior to going to a social event, Tashiro gives himself a pep talk. "I call it my mental preparation, and I'll just say, Hey, you don't know anybody; you're nervous about that. And that's okay. You've been in these situations before, and you can do it," he said on the podcast.
He also breaks down the "component parts" of whatever situation he's walking into: "What's the goal in this situation? What are the small expectations you're going to encounter? And then, what are the behaviors that you need to execute to be socially fluent in the situation?"
Be bold in your social interactions
It takes longer for socially awkward people to figure out the dynamics of a new social situation, Tashiro said, which means it can also take longer to feel comfortable. His solution is to be bold.
"And so I would approach people — if you had the uncomfortable situation where you've talked to somebody and they've moved on to something else, and you're standing there by yourself — I'll just approach a group, and I'll say, 'Hey, I'm Ty. I'm new here. Do you mind if I join you?' And that might sound a little daunting to some folks, but I always find that people are really receptive to that," he said.
He believes the increasing amount of interacting we do on our phones, from social media to dating apps, has made us more disconnected and awkward when we see other people out in the world.
"Many of the social cues humans have relied on for thousands of years are absent online," he said in his book, according to The New York Times.
"I just want to say, like, 'Go meet other people. You know, you're standing here in your group of three you came in with, and you look semi-sad. Go talk to these other people you want to talk to,'" Tashiro said on the podcast.