14 of the hottest dating tips we learned in 2021 — from flirting with your eyes to why coffee dates are the perfect first date

According to New York City-based dating coach Amy Nobile of Love, Amy, the best flirts have a warm, positive, and playful vibe.

"Connecting on a deep level is the new flirting — energy, vibing, all that stuff. Flirting is about connecting on an energetic level, in my mind," Nobile said.

To get yourself into that mindset before you start swiping, be mindful of and savor the joys in your daily life, said Nobile.

Nobile always tells her clients to start a conversation by asking "What keeps you busy?"

This framing allows someone to talk about their career, but also leaves room for discussion about hobbies and passions.

How a match responds to this question will clue you into whether they're self-sufficient, and if they're excited about their day-to-day life, two important qualities in a long-term partner, said Nobile.

According to Nobile, flirting with your eyes, or what she calls "flies," is a great way to get into a playful mood.

To practice your "flies," hold eye contact for three seconds with someone walking by in the opposite direction, said Nobile. As you're about to pass each other, offer a smirk or brief smile, depending on your audience.

To keep the conversation flowing, pick something you haven't yet discussed from their profile, and ask a question about it, said Nobile.

If a match said they've run four marathons, you could write, "Wow! Four marathons?! Does running run in the family?"

Striking up conversation with a complete stranger can feel unnatural, so try making eye contact with someone you find interesting or attractive first, psychologist and founder of The Relationship Place Dana McNeil told Insider.

Once you make eye contact, flash a smile and see if they reciprocate.

If they don't return the smile, or turn away, it could mean they're not interested, according to McNeil. But if they do, it could mean they're open to chatting.

Instead of using a cheesy pick-up line or asking which vaccine your date got, try a compliment, ask for advice, or offer both, said McNeil.

She gave the example of seeing a cute stranger at a clothing store, or even the bar. You could approach him, say you like how his shirt looks on him, and then ask where he got it from, with the intention of buying it for your friend or brother.

This way, you're not only complimenting their appearance, but also hinting at your single status, according to McNeil.

If you want to see the person you met again, ask if they're open to meet for drinks or coffee soon.

"I know this might feel scary in the moment, but when you consider you may never see this person again if you don't take action, then you'll really kick yourself in the butt if you don't at least try," said McNeil.

If you're really nervous, she suggested thinking of the worst-case scenario: "On the flip side, if it doesn't go well or they reject you, then you will never see them again. So what does it really matter in the scope of the big picture?"

Instead of searching for a date who shares all of your interests or perspectives, Nobile said to get curious when differences do arise, and find a love interest who does the same.

For example, if you match with someone who loves to hunt but you don't understand the allure, avoid saying "I hate hunting." Instead, ask why they enjoy it and explain you've never tried it, said Nobile. This way, the conversation keeps a positive tone.

If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable because of the questions a match is asking you, it's OK to end the conversation right away, said Nobile.

Nobile told Insider a first date, which she also calls a "screener date," should always be 30 minutes long and take place at a coffee shop, cafe, or juice bar.

Nobile, who charges a minimum of $10,000 for four months of her services, instructs all of her clients to grab a coffee when they meet someone new.

This way, they get a genuine feel for their date before investing time and energy on someone who they only know from a dating app.

When you arrive at your coffee date, compliment your date right away, according to Nobile.

She said picking out something about their physical appearance, whether it's what they're wearing or their eye color, will create a warm atmosphere.

For people who are dating to find a partner, Nobile suggests asking specific types of questions on your first three dates.

Called the "3-4 rule," Nobile's method requires that singles learn four key principles — chemistry, core values, emotional maturity, and readiness — so they don't waste time dating someone they are likely incompatible with.

For the first date, Nobile suggested learning about a prospect's career and passions, what they've learned about themselves over the past year, the relationship they're looking for, and their relationship history.

It's also a good time to ask about their family and long-term goals, Nobile said.

If all goes well and you're interested in spending more time together, don't extend your first date's duration, said Nobile.

Instead, Nobile suggests you end your 30-minute meet up with a strategy she calls the "accidental touch."

To do it, Nobile said on your way back from the restroom or as you're getting ready to leave, subtly touch your date on the forearm or knee, as if by accident. Then, Nobile suggests saying "Sorry," or, "Oh my gosh, I thought there was something on your arm," to acknowledge the touch.

The move, which could be too far out for some, can suggest you're interested in connecting further on a second date, said Nobile.

By the third date, you can get into more specifics about relationship deal breakers, family planning, marriage, and communication styles.

Though it can be nerve-racking, self-love and practice help, Nobile said.

Your first few outings after time off dating could involve awkward silences and unwanted rejections, and you shouldn't put too much weight on those hiccups, McNeil said.

Instead of worrying how conversations could go, tell yourself you're worthy of love and joy, and that you have everything you need within yourself.

"Social connections require some bravery, some sense of self-worth, and a whole lot of humor and patience. You are doing your bes,t and you will have a better chance of meeting your new partner by daring to do something a little outside of your comfort zone," said McNeil.