13 things mentally strong couples don't do, according to a therapist

Whether they're dealing with a sudden financial crisis or struggling with intimacy issues, mentally strong couples address their problems. They hold tough conversations and tackle their issues head-on — even when it feels uncomfortable. They work together to find solutions before their problems grow bigger.

Mentally strong couples allow their partners to have privacy (like private social media conversations) but they refuse to keep secrets — like how much they spent on that new jacket. They share information freely, even when they know the truth might upset their partner because they invested in maintaining trust.

They create boundaries with one another — like one partner might want to walk alone in the evenings. They also establish boundaries that protect their relationship from outside forces — like a meddling mother who wants to offer parenting advice or a friend who asks to borrow money. They work together to set financial, physical, emotional, social, and time boundaries that help them be their best.

While mentally strong individuals make sacrifices for the relationship, they don't insist on giving up everything to the detriment of their well-being. They refuse to become bitter and resentful about everything they do for their relationship. Instead, they set limits, ask for what they need, and take care of themselves.

Mentally strong couples know that it's OK to experience and express their emotions in a healthy way. But, they don't try to manipulate their partner with their emotional expressions.

For example, you won't catch a mentally strong person shedding tears in hopes their partner will stop talking about a difficult subject. You also won't hear them raise their voice in an attempt to get their way. Instead, they focus on managing their emotions — not controlling their partner's behavior.

While they strive to bring out the best in one another, they don't try to fix their partners. They aim to be a positive influence but allow their partners the freedom to make their own choices. They aren't afraid to help their partner tackle a problem (like improving their health) but know they can't do the work for the other person.

While most couples know calling one another names or putting each other down erodes the relationship, mentally strong couples are also acutely aware of the subtle communication habits that can take a toll. They look up from their electronics when they're talking to one another, they listen to understand one another's perspective, and they communicate their feelings in healthy ways.

A mentally strong person doesn't say things like, "I'd be happier if my partner changed." Instead, they take responsibility for their own happiness. Rather than blame the other person for their struggles, they accept that each individual has the power to create change.

Even though their circumstances change, mentally strong couples ensure their love persists. Developing careers, having children, and shifting responsibilities may make their lives different from when they met, but they continue to remember why they chose one another in the first place. They never forget why they fell in love, which keeps them committed to resolving their issues and working things out.

They don't buy into the idea that their partner will complete them. Instead, mentally strong couples know they each need to meet some of their own needs. Whether that means having a friend who can provide some recreational companionship or doing some hobbies on their own, they recognize they have the freedom and flexibility to meet their own needs in many ways.

While there will be many demands for attention from children, extended family, and work, mentally strong couples don't neglect their partnership. They talk about their priorities and work together to maintain their connection even during those seasons of life when they're being pulled in other directions.

Mentally strong couples don't take their partner's kindness, love, and affection for granted. They show gratitude and express appreciation for each other often. They have frequent conversations about what they appreciate, share tokens of appreciation, and genuinely feel for their partnership.

Mentally strong couples work hard to grow as individuals but they also realize the importance of not growing apart. They aren't threatened by one another's personal growth. When they land different jobs, take on new responsibilities, and change their viewpoints, they ensure that their relationship grows as a result too.