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I ate Trump's absurd, 2,430-calorie McDonald's order - and it was even worse than I imagined

I ate Trump's absurd, 2,430-calorie McDonald's order - and it was even worse than I imagined

I did it, but at what cost? I find it hard to focus on any task at hand, and I feel rather sweaty. That is a vastly unhealthy order. Such an order is monumental; such an order is bombastic folly; such an order is... well, Trumpian.

But my damaged sense of pride blows some wind in my sails, and I finish the mediocre fish sandwich. At last, it is over. I really, really, really need a glass of water.

Used napkin count: 3

It took 25 minutes to eat the first three sandwiches, but I've clocked nearly 45 minutes trying to down this last one alone. It's not nausea that plagues me, but a deep-seated feeling of inertia. I have no momentum; I'm adrift in the Sargasso Sea, with schools of little fried squares of Alaskan pollock darting in the murky, still waters, taunting me.

Once more into the breach. I entered a fugue state for approximately 10 minutes and forgot about the last Filet-O-Fish. It was a devastating discovery upon my re-entry to reality.

My left thumb begins to twitch, but this could be unrelated to my current dietary journey. I've noted it, regardless.

I could really, really use some water. I crave it. But drinking the heavy, dairy-laden shake is all I can do to quench my thirst. It's only a third of the way done, which shakes my confidence. A large shake is... well, large.

Used napkin count: 2

Onto the second Big Mac. Once into it, you realize how much bread is really in a Big Mac. Three pieces of bread is a lot of bread. Does bread expand in the stomach? I swear I heard that once.

Since the shake's the only beverage allowed in this experience, I'm using it to wash down the last few bites of the first Filet-O-Fish. The flavor combination is disturbing at best. I’m beginning to feel the weight of the food in my stomach, and I haven't even begun the second Big Mac yet.

In about 12 minutes, I'm halfway through. I could really use some water, but I'm sticking with the shake on principle.

The first bite is fine — no more, no less. The tartar sauce is fun, but the lack of crisp in the fillet is unsettling. Also, it's a surprisingly messy sandwich, with the tartar sauce often jumping ship.

Used napkin count: 1

To get a bit of a surf-and-turf vibe, I go for a Filet-O-Fish next. The Filet-O-Fish is admittedly not on my radar when ordering at McDonald's. The chain may claim to use wild Alaskan pollock, but all the same, I do not deign to call it proper seafood.

It's a big sandwich, there's no doubt about that. But a combination of naive confidence and love of the burger propelled me forward, and it wasn't long before the first Big Mac was gone.

Trump is a steak man, so I decided to start with a Big Mac. Two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, and onions on a sesame seed bun — what's more American than that?

Two Big Macs, two Filet-O-Fishes, and a large chocolate shake — this is no casual snack. This is a powerful and intimidating meal.

This spread would have cost nearly $30 at a New York City McDonald's. Luckily, the current McPick 2 deal covered both the two Big Macs and the two Filet-O-Fishes, making all four sandwiches cost only $10. Now that's the art of the deal.

Trump is a man of controversial tastes. From well-done steaks to gaudy gold Louis XIV chairs, his choices in food and aesthetics are polarizing. But, his favorite fast food is much more approachable.

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