'I really tried': Huma Abedin on her relationship with Anthony Weiner, her personal life, and how Hillary Clinton saved her

• Huma Abedin, longtime aide to Hillary Clinton, spoke with Insider about her new memoir.
• The book details her decades-long career serving Clinton and her marriage to former New York congressman Anthony Weiner.

In her new memoir, Huma Abedin writes that her longtime boss Hillary Clinton declared "without hesitation" that she'll never run for president again after she lost the 2008 Democratic primaries.

Clinton did run, of course, in 2016, making history as the first female candidate to win a major party's nomination, before narrowly losing to her Republican rival Donald Trump.

But Abedin told Insider in a new interview that she doesn't believe Clinton will launch another bid for the White House.

"There's nobody more than Hillary Clinton who knows how hard it is for a woman to be an executive in this country, forget the highest office in the land," Abedin, 45, said.

Abedin pointed to the female Democratic candidates (an all-time record of six) who ran in 2020 but fell short. "It showed we're not ready for a woman executive," she said. "It's really hard. Actually, it's just proven how extraordinary my boss was."

Her admiration for Clinton is on full display in her first book, "Both/And: A Life in Many Worlds," released Tuesday. Abedin spoke with Insider about her new memoir, in which she details everything from her decades-long career with Clinton to her marriage with disgraced former New York congressman Anthony Weiner.

'Hillary Clinton and Anna Wintour kind of saved me'

The daughter of Indian and Pakistani scholars, Abedin grew up in Michigan until the age of two, when her family packed their bags for Saudi Arabia.

Abedin went on to travel between the two countries and eventually moved back to the United States for college. In her senior year at George Washington University, she landed an internship at the White House for then-first lady Clinton. That was 1996, a year after fellow intern Monica Lewinsky got her job.

When President Bill Clinton's affair with Lewinsky went public, Abedin witnessed the toll the scandal took on her boss, who ultimately decided to remain loyal to her husband.

"Everything I saw on TV as it related to impeachment, it felt like an alternative universe. That what I was doing was hard work, this horrible news breaks, and my goal was to protect her," Abedin said of Clinton.

Fast forward to 2011 and Abedin's husband Weiner, then-a rising Democratic New York representative, created national headlines for sending explicit photos to multiple women. Abedin chose to stay with him and was met with public scrutiny.

"To me, it's total apples and oranges," Abedin said about comparisons between Clinton's marriage and hers. "When it happens to you, it's different."

"I was deeply in love with my husband, not only did we have a great life, I thought we had a perfect life, and I was carrying his child," she continued.

After the scandal ended his congressional career, Weiner started therapy and returned to politics with a New York City mayoral bid in 2013. But that soon crumbled when more sexually explicit photos, sent under his alias "Carlos Danger," surfaced.

Abedin was criticized yet again for sticking by Weiner. This time, she thought her decision might have cost her her job and her social circle.

"I'm not sure I've actually written this, but I've shared in other instances that, to some extent, both Hillary Clinton and Anna Wintour kind of saved me," Abedin said.

"If I had been let go in 2013, it would have been enormously difficult for me to rebalance myself, to figure out how I was going to pick up the pieces and move on professionally," Abedin said. "[Clinton] knew that. It was one of the reasons she did not let me go."

While Abedin lost some friends in the fallout, she credits Wintour for introducing her to a "whole new community of people" who would go on to have her back. Wintour, the top Vogue editor, honored the pair's longtime friendship in a book party hosted at her home this week.

'I really tried' with Weiner

The firestorm reignited in September 2016, when the FBI launched an investigation into Weiner after a Daily Mail report claimed he had sexted a minor. As part of its probe, the FBI seized Weiner's laptop, and found emails exchanged between Abedin and Clinton.

The discovery triggered FBI Director James Comey to reopen an investigation into Clinton's emails just 11 days before the election. Comey closed the emails investigation right before Election Day, concluding that Clinton hadn't broken any laws. Abedin initially blamed herself and Weiner for Clinton's defeat, but she writes in her book that the fault rests with Comey.

Weiner admitted and pleaded guilty in 2017 to sending explicit material to a 15-year-old. He was sentenced to 21 months in prison.

"I know many people have judgments, and certainly, many women have judgments. But I don't think anyone will have judgment on the fact that I tried. I really tried," Abedin told Insider.

Weiner was released from federal custody in 2019, and though they aren't together, he is "always going to be the father of my child," Abedin said. "So we're always going to have a partnership."

'One of the most difficult' periods of her life

The lingering trauma from her marriage, coupled with the 2016 election loss, plunged Abedin into a dark period, which she describes in her book as "one of the most difficult" of her life. For a brief instance in 2019, she contemplated "stepping off a subway platform."

The fleeting suicidal thought startled Abedin, who sought therapy and turned to her Muslim faith for strength.

"'Wait, I need help,'" Abedin said she told herself at the time. "It was a combination of faith, but more than that, I got professional mental help."

An unwanted kiss from a senator that she kept secret from everyone, including Clinton

One bombshell Abedin dropped in her book takes place about 15 years ago, when a male senator invited her to his home and gave her an unwanted kiss.

The memory was "erased" from her mind until 2018, when news hit about a professor named Christine Blasey Ford who was accused of "conveniently" remembering that then-Judge Brett Kavanaugh allegedly assaulted her decades ago, Abedin writes in her book.

She kept her own story "buried" for years, even from her boss. Abedin revealed to Insider that Clinton only learned of the incident when she read "the early version" of her book.

Abedin and the senator, who she doesn't name, managed to "rebalance" their relationship, and there were no further inappropriate encounters, she said.

When asked if she has a response to current lawmakers who say he should be held accountable, Abedin did not comment.

"The main reason I shared the story is I chose to tell my full truth in this book and I have done that," Abedin said.

'I don't think I have any regrets'

Abedin calls herself a workaholic in the book, regularly choosing her career over her personal life. When her uncle died, for example, no one in her family thought to tell her, Abedin said.

"I always picked work," she said. "I had to learn the lesson the hard way."

"I don't think I have any regrets," Abedin added, "but I do think balance is important and I'm much better about it now."

But one moment from a couple years ago has stayed with her. An "attractive" and "very high-profile" man asked her out several times, but she rejected him, partly because he was famous and because she was still recovering from her past marriage, Abedin told Insider.

"I was still in such trauma. I was like, 'I can't. I can't. All I want is for the photographers to go,'" she said. "Normally, I would have said yes right away. And I said no."

"Can I tell you, I really regret it," Abedin said, laughing. "Now in 2021, I wish the 2019 version of me had said: 'Yes, you deserve this. You deserve a successful, brilliant, handsome, smart man,'" she continued, adding that this man is now "very off the market."

Abedin, who says she's "old-fashioned" in her dating life, told Insider she's not seeing anyone right now. "I really am that person who waits for somebody else to ask them," she said.

But Abedin is marking a new chapter of her life, which she calls "my year of saying yes."

"I stole this from Shonda Rhimes," Abedin said. "I'm open to new ideas and opportunities. What those are, are not clear to me yet."