Gold bars, cash, and an air purifier: The 8 alleged bribes Sen. Bob Menendez and his wife took, ranked

• Prosecutors say businessmen gave Sen. Bob Menendez and his wife a bunch of cool stuff.
• The senator made decisions that helped Egypt and interfered in a criminal probe, an indictment says.

On Friday, federal prosecutors in Manhattan brought criminal charges against US Sen. Bob Menendez of New Jersey, his wife Nadine Menendez, and three Egyptian-American businessmen: Wael Hana, Jose Uribe, and Fred Daibes.

The group, prosecutors alleged in a 39-page indictment, participated in a bribery conspiracy. According to the indictment, Menendez leveraged his power on the Senate's foreign relations committee to sign off on billions of dollars of arms sales to Egypt, pushed an international construction project, tried to stop criminal prosecution, and helped give a halal certification agency a monopoly on Egyptian goods in New Jersey. (Menendez has denied the charges and says prosecutors "misrepresented the normal work of a Congressional office.")

In exchange, the businessmen allegedly got Menendez and his wife a lot of cool stuff — and some not-so-cool stuff.

Here are the nine bribes they allegedly got, ranked:

8. Exercise machines

The indictment doesn't give many details about this, but Hana — the one who has an alleged monopoly on the Egyptian halal food market in New Jersey — used the certification agency's funds to purchase "exercise machines" and send them to the Menendez residence, according to the indictment.

Prosecutors say this happened in "early 2021," perhaps before COVID vaccines were available and the couple was spending a lot of time at home. Still, though, they couldn't buy their own Peloton?

7. Air purifier

The air purifier is another item Hana allegedly purchased for the Menendezes in "early 2021," according to the indictment. This is somewhat more useful than an exercise machine in the COVID era, but still pretty lame.

6. Home mortgage payments

The indictment, rudely, points out that Nadine Menendez was unemployed when she started dating the senator, in 2018. By July 2019, the mortgage company for her home initiated foreclosure proceedings, according to prosecutors.

Then, prosecutors say, Nadine Menendez got Hana to pay $23,000 to bring her mortgage current in exchange for arranging meetings between her future ex-husband and Egyptian officials.

"When I feel comfortable and plan the trip to Egypt he [i.e., HANA] will be more powerful than the president of Egypt," prosecutors quote her as saying.

We love a fiscally responsible queen!

5. A recliner

When you're busy working from home because of your alleged "low or no-show job" for a Halal certification agency, comfort is essential. And what's more comfortable than a nice recliner? We hope Nadine was able to take advantage of this chair, which federal prosecutors allege was gifted to her husband by Daibes to help with shoulder pain.

4. Cash

FBI agents who executed a search warrant in the Menendez home found over $480,000 in cash, according to the indictment, with "much of it stuffed into envelopes and hidden in clothing, closets, and a safe." Cash is objectively one of the best ways to do alleged bribery.

3. Cash stuffed in jacket

Better than cash? Cash stuffed in a jacket with your name on it. In the indictment, prosecutors included photos of two jackets with envelopes of cash. It's not clear if Menendez already owned the jackets, which reference his roles in the Senate, before the alleged bribe, or if the jackets were part of the alleged bribe. But if you get cash + a jacket that's obviously better than just cash.

2. Mercedes-Benz convertible

A Mercedes-Benz C-300 is worth less than $480,000 in cash, yes, but a convertible is objectively a cool and fun thing to give to a sitting senator and his wife. Uribe and Hana arranged to buy one for Nadine Menendez in exchange for the senator interfering in a criminal investigation of one of Uribe's associates, prosecutors alleged. The couple even texted about the color scheme they wanted for the car, the indictment says.

"You are a miracle worker who makes dreams come true I will always remember that," Nadine Menendez texted Uribe on the day she arranged to pick up the car. Prosecutors brought criminal charges alleging she lied on her loan application to finance the vehicle.

The businessmen allegedly arranged to give Nadine Menendez the car in early 2019, which was before they allegedly arranged her mortgage payments. That isn't very fiscally responsible.

Still, the senator seemed to eagerly anticipate the car. After the purchase was complete, according to the indictment, Nadine texted him: "Congratulations mon amour de la vie, we are the proud owners of a 2019 Mercedes.❤️."

1. Gold bars

The gold bars are, by far, the best alleged bribes of the bunch.

Two days after a private meeting with Egyptian officials in June of 2021, Hana "purchased 22 one-ounce gold bars, each with a unique serial number," according to the indictment.

A driver for Daibes picked up the couple from John F. Kennedy Airport after they came back from a trip from Egypt a few months after Hana purchased the gold. Menendez "performed a web search for 'how much is one kilo of gold worth,'" while in the car, according to the indictment. Menendez also googled "kilo of gold price" in January 2022, the indictment says.

In April of that year, Nadine met with a person referred to in the indictment only as "The Jeweler." She gave The Jeweler two one-kilogram gold bars, each worth $60,000, according to the indictment.

The FBI searched the Menendez home in June of 2022 and found two gold bars with serial numbers that could be traced back to the businessmen.