An 81-year-old explains her simple solution to make sure loneliness doesn't become 'a way of life' — and what she thinks stands in the way of forming connections

• Patricia Backlund, 81, combats loneliness by organizing a weekly "Friday mingle" for her community.
• Her efforts reflect a larger, global initiative to address loneliness and promote social connection.

Patricia Backlund, 81, wouldn't describe herself as lonely — but she knows how easy it is to become that way.

When Backlund and her husband moved to Gig Harbor, Washington, six years ago, she initially chose a home in a 55-plus community. However, she later decided that she wanted a more independent setting, so she moved to a nearby community that was still being built — meaning none of the residents knew each other very well.

Backlund decided to change that by organizing a weekly meetup that she started in June and now calls the "Friday mingle," where about 20 to 30 people in the community meet in the pavilion to simply talk to one another for a couple of hours.

"One of the things that I tell the group, especially the new people that come, is that the reason we do this is to get to know each other, to be supportive of each other, to be available to help each other when needed," Backlund told Business Insider. "Because some of these people don't have children nearby. Some of them don't have children at all, so your neighbor is going to be the closest person that you can go to and get help if you need it."

The group has been a success — not only in forming friendships but lifelong relationships. Backlund said that two of the members announced they had fallen in love, and that wouldn't have happened would it not have been for the group.

But she acknowledged that for other older adults, going to the mingle and introducing themselves to strangers might not be so easy.

"I think loneliness is sometimes based in fear," Backlund said. "It's something that you might learn to live with, and for whatever reason, fear or not being able to really carry on a conversation with another person, it becomes a way of life."

People of all ages have been battling loneliness, and the pandemic exacerbated the issue over recent years. It led US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy to declare it an epidemic, and he launched a plan to ensure Americans don't succumb to the impacts of loneliness, which include increased risk of heart disease and for older adults, increased risk of dementia and premature death.

"I think once people come to understand that loneliness is also common and consequential, it's giving people the urgency, motivation and permission they need to pursue solutions," Murthy told Politico in December.

Backlund knows the urgency of addressing loneliness and hopes that more people start taking the matter into their own hands.

"Life is unpredictable and things come up that we need to be able to tell somebody about what's going on and get some input, get wisdom from each other, especially if you've been through similar kinds of situations," Backlund said.

'You have to take the initiative'

The Global Initiative on Loneliness and Connection — a group of organizations around the world working to address loneliness — wrote in its 2022 position statement that being "socially connected is recognized as a fundamental human need."

"Having greater social connection has been shown to positively influence a range of mental, physical, and cognitive health outcomes, with the strongest evidence showing that being more socially connected reduces risk for premature all-cause mortality," the statement said.

That's why Backlund said she feels so strongly about making an effort to reach out to those who might be isolated, or hesitant to make new social connections.

"You have to take the initiative to really reach out to your neighbors or your community, and if you don't do it, nobody's going to do it," she said. "A lot of loneliness, I think, is people don't want to take the initiative to reach out and say, 'Hey, let's do this, let's go here.'"

BI has previously spoken to other older adults who found solutions of their own to prevent becoming lonely. One 75-year-old started a group at his senior center where people can gather and chat once a week, and he said it sparked meaningful connections that many of the attendees lacked.

Meanwhile, a 70-year-old decided to join a "senior village," or a community that comes with a cost — but offers resources and activities to help connect its members. And a 63-year-old who hasn't yet retired is thinking proactively about the rest of his life to ensure that loneliness doesn't catch up to him when he's no longer working.

"If I'm not careful at this stage of my life, my life expectancy will diminish," he said. "My overall well-being is definitely tied to my family and my relationships, and that's where the currency is. It's about the simple act and the necessity of being engaged."

There are also efforts to address the issue at a federal level. Reps. Mike Flood and David Trone introduced the Improving Measurements for Loneliness and Isolation Act in November, aimed at bringing stakeholders together to increase social connections. And Sens. Chris Murphy and Bob Casey in December introduced the Addressing Social Isolation and Loneliness in Older Adults Act, which would provide funding for organizations to address loneliness among older Americans.

While her mingles are just a small example of boosting social connection, Backlund is optimistic that it can inspire other older adults to reach out to their neighbors and take steps to combat the loneliness epidemic head-on.

"At the mingles, they want to be there," she said. "They want to connect with each other, and they want to be helpful and supporting of the people that live here. And so I think that's a very good sign."

Are you taking steps to combat loneliness? Reach out to this reporter at asheffey@businessinsider.com.