- I've never liked the tradition of only giving children their father's last name.
- I wanted a way to incorporate my maiden name into my kids' names to preserve my family legacy.
I had always known that the long-standing tradition in the United States was for children to be given only their father's last name, but I never liked it. It felt like an erasure of the mother's heritage, a way to make it harder to track her lineage and ancestors.
I never thought it was fair, considering mothers carried and birthed the children. But I also didn't realize it wasn't a global norm until I saw my Puerto Rican friend's driver's license. I had only heard her use her father's last name when telling me her name, but upon looking at her driver's license, I realized her legal name included both her mother's and father's last names.
Fifteen years after that experience, I was pregnant with my first child. I had married a southern, African American man who was very traditional in his way of thinking. I, on the other hand, had become accustomed to people having both their mother and father's last name by that point after my time living in Latin America. I knew I'd never be able to convince my husband to do this, but I still had a strong desire to incorporate my maiden name into our child's name somehow.
My family history is important to me
Here's why. The Claytors have a rich legacy. Our family history is detailed back to the Claytor plantation in a 1,000-page book called "The Virginia Kaleidoscope." Having this type of knowledge of family history is incredibly rare for an African American family. Our family has also had weekend-long family reunions every two years in hotels across the United States since 1976. I've never missed one. We give out $1,000 scholarships to family members, too.
My family includes people who are trailblazers in their fields, like my great grandfather's first cousin, William Schieffelin Claytor, who was the third African American to receive a Ph.D. in mathematics, and my father, Darrell Claytor, a certified financial planner who was distinguished with a Lifetime Achievement Award in 2012. I've also made our last name pretty popular through my travel blog and television reporting career across the South and Midwest.
I come from a long line of advocates, including my first cousin, Ifeolu Claytor, a city councilman who works to influence elections through "Get Out the Vote," campaigns. Another one of my great-grandfather's first cousins, Dr. Walter Claytor, was a well-known dentist who successfully sued the Roanoke Redevelopment and Housing Authority, leading to the transformation of Virginia eminent domain law.
Through reading about our family's history, I learned I come from a long list of first-born sons, dating back to the plantation. Only my great-grandfather was not firstborn. I'm the first, first-born girl in six generations. My father only had two children, both of us girls. Knowing that, I felt obligated to pass down the Claytor name in some way, shape, or form.
I wanted my children's names to honor my family
We didn't learn the sex of our first child until he was born. While I was pregnant with him four years ago, I chose a name for a girl, and my husband chose a name for a boy. Since we ended up having a son and used the first name my husband chose, he agreed to make our son's middle name my maiden name.
When we had our daughter two years later, we really struggled with naming her. We didn't agree on a first name. I wanted her to have my maiden name as her middle name because I didn't think it was fair only to pass down my maiden name to my son. My husband preferred a girlier middle name. Right before being discharged from the hospital, we finally came to an agreement on her name.
The compromise: I told my husband he didn't have to give me a push gift and I let him choose her first name, as it was a name that I liked as well. In exchange, I gave my daughter two middle names, the first name I originally wanted to name her and my maiden name. Both children have my husband's last name.
My son already knows his full name and says it with joy. We will soon teach our daughter her full name as well. The kids will continue the tradition of going to my family reunions and bonding with my extended family. As they grow older, we'll read "The Virginia Kaleidoscope" together and discover the achievements of my ancestors. While they may not often use their middle names, they'll understand why mommy was adamant about also passing down her maiden name.