Living and working with a disability means after years of job interviews and résumé gaps, retirement feels as impossible as ever

• I have schizophrenia, a brain disorder that has hampered my ability to get and keep jobs.
• Being out of work due to disability has led to résumé gaps and hurt my earning potential.
• I should be preparing for retirement, but instead, I'll be working as long as I possibly can.

In baseball, you get three strikes before you're out.

As a woman and someone with schizophrenia, a brain disorder that includes periods of psychosis, paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, and lack of motivation — among other symptoms — I feel as if I have two strikes against me each time I apply for a position or have an interview.

According to the US Census, women have indeed made progress these past few years, but they still only make 82 cents for every dollar earned by a man. These grim inequality statistics are for all American women, but they probably don't give an accurate sense of the gap for those of us with a disability.

Retirement should be in my sights right now. But that isn't the case because I've had dozens of jobs that I have had to quit or was "excused from" due to my illness. Having to start repeatedly at entry-level positions meant that even in my 40s, when I should have been at the highest-performing point of my career, I was at times making barely minimum wage.

For years, I've made less money with more education

I spent the majority of my career in lower-paying professions dominated by women. I worked as a social worker and in education.

I needed to have a college degree for these jobs, and I needed to keep up my skills with required training and certificates. Often, to make a livable wage or get promoted to a managerial position required pursuing a graduate degree. Earning a graduate degree meant piling on student loans or working full time and studying at night along with all the other duties required of adults, such as cooking and laundry.

Trying to reach financial stability as a woman with a highly stereotyped and stigmatized illness has been like getting one chance at one pitch: a split-fingered fastball traveling 95 mph.

My résumé only hints at the trouble I've had getting and keeping jobs

It's challenging enough to find a well-paid position as a woman, but it gets even harder when you add schizophrenia or any disability to the mix. Many — although not all — doors close because of significant gaps in my work history due to periods of extreme psychosis.

There is no way to address those gaps in an interview without saying I was chronically ill during those times. Not many employers want to take a chance on someone with chronic and recurring health issues.

I'm sure it would be easy for people to look at my work history and say, "Well, it's her fault she jumped around a lot." But what it doesn't show are the times I was too ill to work. I've interviewed for over 20 jobs at different companies in my work life.

Plus, moving from job to job meant I never qualified for some of the retirement programs available at the companies and organizations where I worked. I left one job when I was fully vested, but my retirement payout ended up being less than $1,000 because I lacked the longevity required to qualify for a livable pension.

That is a vast difference from my spouse's experience. He has interviewed for most of his positions as promotions, not as someone competing off the street.

I'll keep working as long as I possibly can

The most unpopular truth in my financial life is my dependence on my spouse for things like a house, an emergency fund, and support during graduate school.

As my spouse plans for his retirement in the next five to 10 years along with most of my peers, I am in graduate school training for a new career and have no plans to retire as long as I can avoid long periods of psychosis and manage my daily symptoms.

This requires a highly flexible work environment that I am creating from home. The stress of working in a warehouse, office, theater, or catering (all positions I've held) is no longer possible with the number of symptoms I have daily from severe mental illness.

When I see women as CEOs, scientists, engineers, and doctors, it's not hard to imagine that they had to run faster, study harder, or leave their needs in the dugout to get to first base on their way to putting a run on the scoreboard. If they added a disability to their womanhood, they did all that and ran the bases carrying both teams' bats.

• Read more from Women of Means:
• For lesbians, major life events don't just happen — so if I ever want to retire, I have to start planning now
• 5 reasons women face roadblocks to retirement and need to save more
• 5 retirement strategies many women are taught too late in life
• I expect to retire, but as an African American woman, the numbers make me wonder if I should plan for a funeral instead