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- In 2018, I was working two jobs and attending school full time. When I got fired from one job, I fell into a depression.
- That depression made it hard to go to work and school, and I eventually stopped both, racking up thousands of dollars of debt and missing bill payments.
- A year later, I'm finally getting out of debt. And while I'm glad we're talking more openly about the emotional and physical effects of mental illness, I think it's time we talk about the financial consequences, too.
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At the start of 2018, I was working 40-50 hours a week at two waitressing jobs in the UK, making minimum wage. I was also in school full time. Because of some bureaucratic errors, my student loans were on hold, so I had no choice but to work to make ends meet. It took eight months to get the errors sorted out.
I was under a lot of pressure, but I kept a hold of things for a while. I am strange in the sense that I panic silently. I don't "freak out," but I avoid whatever is causing me stress, pretending it doesn't exist.
Eventually, new management at one of my workplaces fired me because they didn't know I had a second job and scheduled me to work on a day I couldn't. Because of the income loss, I became late making bill payments, and that stress affected my schoolwork, which in turn affected my ability to do my job. I fell into a bout of depression.
Depression ate away at my finances
As the depression worsened, I slowly began to regress more into myself. Getting out of bed was much harder. I didn't want to deal with customers, so my sick days stacked up until I lost my other job. Then I dropped out of school.
What little money I had left I spent on food and getting drunk. I wanted my life to be louder than my anxiety. As far as I was concerned, I wasn't bound to roam the earth for much longer, so I may as well have fun. No matter how hard I worked, I was in trouble. So what was the point? I gave up.
I paid my debts when I could, but I didn't keep track of the days my bills were due. I also didn't keep a record of my spending, so there were many times where I realized too late that I couldn't make a payment on time. I tried to be frugal, but I was careless; I was moved and controlled by desperation and impulse.
I'm not the only one who's experienced the financial effects of depression either. According to a 2008 study, mental illness costs the US $193.2 billion in lost earnings per year. In the UK, experts say poor mental health costs our economy up to £99 billion each year (which is huge considering the United States is about 40 times bigger than the United Kingdom).
Picking up the pieces
These days, I'm getting back on track. Since my major depressive episode a year ago, I've managed to rescue my sinking ship somewhat.
I restart university in a month, and I am now self-employed, earning money through freelancing and blogging. My monthly pay isn't anything to shout about, but it is enough to cover my monthly expenses. In six months, I haven't missed a single payment.
Any "extra" money I have left over doesn't sit in my bank account but instead goes straight into my savings account. It takes around three days for a withdrawal to be processed from my checking account, which has proved an excellent barrier to any impulsive spending.
I also switched to an online bank called Monzo and love using its budgeting features. My favorite is being able to see my number of transactions, average spend, and total amount spent at a particular establishment.
With Uber, for example, I have 118 transactions with an average spend of £5.93 ($7.75) and a total of £699.54 (about $915) spent. Seeing it in this format was a shock to the system that, for me, resulted in being more conscientious (e.g. opting to walk or leaving earlier so I could take the bus).
But I do have one account that has defaulted (meaning I missed several months of payments and my creditor canceled our agreement).
Once a default notice is on your credit report, it stays for six years regardless of whether you have paid off the debt. It negatively impacts your ability to borrow money as it pops up when creditors are deciding if you are a good candidate to receive a loan.
I am also under three different payment plans for missed credit card payments, owing around £3,000 (almost $4,000) in debts.
There are many times I look back on 2018 and think, Why didn't I do more? I could have fought harder. But hindsight is 20/20. I know who I am, and if I could have fought the pull into despair, I would have. I didn't willingly let go of those threads.
I am slowly getting back on track, even with the default notice. For the first time in a year, I feel in control of my finances. I budget and plan everything. There is also comfort in knowing I'm not alone.
We're talking more about mental health now than we ever have before. We know the signs and symptoms of depression - the isolation, loss of friends and acquaintances, the dietary effects - and we're speaking out about it.
For me, my weight fluctuates in accordance with my mental health. And the simplest tasks, such as getting dressed, showering, and even cooking, can make me feel as if I am running under water. There's more compassion for these symptoms now, and that goes a long way.
The next six years of my life will be a struggle. I still have a long way to go financially, but I am hopeful - and I'm learning. While there's more awareness now of the physical and emotional consequences of mental illness, I think the financial effects of depression are something we need to talk about - as embarrassing and shameful as we think they may be.
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