- I was a single mom, and I worried my son would feel we were different from other families.
- I packed our schedule and tried to teach him things I thought a dad would teach him.
As a single mom, I didn't want my son to feel different from the other kids who lived with both of their parents or had siblings. I probably worked too hard to overcompensate for it being just him and me, as I had heard that the single parent has to be both parents.
In order to make sure my son was getting what I thought he needed, I set the parenting bar way too high for myself. Now that he isn't little anymore and we've both grown up a lot, I can see that I could have done things differently.
I was the one who thought we were missing out
Looking back, I think my son picked up on my own feelings of there being something missing. I had never planned on being a single mom, and it took me a long time to accept my role. In fact, in many ways I was in denial of being a single parent.
I thought things would be easier with a partner, and for a little while, I wanted more children. Many of my son's schoolmates had both a mom and dad in addition to siblings, and so I automatically thought my son saw this and wanted the same. So to cope, I viewed my state of single parenting as a temporary condition until I could grow our family.
I packed our schedule too much
I padded our schedule with events to shield us from loneliness, but in retrospect, my son didn't need that. He was always enrolled in an activity, and we always had something social on the agenda, like a family dinner or a lunch with friends.
Even outside of spending time with friends and family, I thought I always had to take him somewhere like the movies, the library, or out to eat. I didn't see it at the time, but I was surrounding us with other people because I thought I wasn't enough for him.
All he needed was his mom
I myself had been raised by a single father and felt that I had missed out on learning things about being a woman from a mother. I thought I needed to make sure I was teaching my son all of the manly things.
I taught him how to play every sport, talked to him about how to talk to girls he liked, and made sure we spent time around male family members. I never had to do any of that though, because he would have learned those things anyway. He still spent time with his father, and at home with me, he saw someone who was taking care of a house as well as taking care of him in every way he needed. I was already "both" parents without needing to try so hard; I just didn't see it.
We each grew to learn that we were enough
While it may have taken a pandemic to shut down our social affairs, eventually my son and I saw that not only were we enough, what we had together was really special. From being just the two of us for so long, we had already formed a strong bond and a beautiful life together at home. We were both elated to just be home with one another and enjoy each other's company. That's when I really learned that he and I had everything we needed all along.
The family my son and I had formed together made it easier for me to see that what I had once wished for didn't equate to a proper family. Families come in all shapes and sizes, and there's only one component needed: love. With just the two of us (and our pets), my son and I had all of the love and family that we each needed. I should have always celebrated that from the beginning, instead of worrying so much about what was missing.