A demanding email for a one-year-old's birthday party is going viral on Reddit.
Reddit user razz32 shared the birthday email that his coworker had received from the parents on /r/pics.
In the email, the parents request four specific gifts, no more books since their baby "hates when we try reading to him," and no personalized clothing with names since it's "the #1 thing that leads to kidnapping, so we don't need to broadcast [name redacted]'s name on clothing or toys."
If party guests decide to purchase the baby something that isn't on the list - at any time, not just on the baby's birthday - they must include a gift receipt, the parents write.
Redditors immediately pounced on the email, comparing it to a court summons and mocking the official tone.
They also joked about what the worst possible present would be, based on the email's instructions. "Personalized books with no receipt," was a stellar option from the original poster razz32.
It's possible this recommended list of gifts was requested by family members who were unsure of what to get little baby [name redacted], similar to a wedding registry. The two-gift-per-household limit also implies that this particular family is big on superfluous gift-giving. Still, the email's wording is intense.
The worst (or best) part of the email is that after requesting a "water table," play tunnel, play tent, and "The Cheerios Play Book," the parents earnestly add, "If you are unable to get these items, please let us know so that we can buy them right away for him."
Because who could live without a Step2 Tropical Island Resort table?
Those ellipses really add a sense of dread.
Here's a full transcription of the email below:
Subject: [Redacted name] birthday list
With [name redacted]'s birthday coming up, we thought we'd ask for 4 items that he will really get a lot of use out of in the coming months. I provided my mom and sister-in-law [name redacted] with a list of 4 other items [name redacted] would like for his birthday so that they can buy from their list and avoid duplication. We're asking for gifts only from grandparents and the direct aunt/uncle for [name redacted]'s birthday party, and similar to Christmas, would like to restrict it to 2 items total per household.
[Name redacted]'s birthday list for the [redacted] side of the family is:
-Water Table (specifically this unit because of how it drains): http://www.walmart.com/ip/20439811?wmispartner=wlpa&adid=22222222227014861840&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=40330171352&wl4=&wl5=pla&wl6-78288290912&veh=sem
- Play Tunnel: http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/90192014/
- Play Tent: http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/10206883/
-Fill in the Missing Cheerios Book: http://www.rightstart.com/the-cheerios-play-book-board-book.html?utm_source=google&utm+medium=shopping&gclid=CMTo2MSn8cQCFe1j7AodskcASQ
If you are unable to get these items, please let us know so that we can buy them right away for him.
A few other important items:
- If you choose to get [name redacted] something that isn't on this list, anytime regardless of birthdays or holidays, please be sure to always include a receipt going forward. When we return items without receipts, we only get about 50% of the value, so it is like throwing money away if you don't include a receipt with the gifts. With formula costing us $80 a week, it is always nice to be able to return items that he doesn't need to get formula instead.
- We would suggest no more books beyond the one Cheerios cited above. Right now, [name redacted] has 32 board books on his shelf, and 25 additional books waiting for him in storage once he is 3+ years of age. (And at this point, he hates when we try reading to him.)
- Please refrain from any personalized gifts that would be used outside of the house. Clothing with names is the #1 thing that leads to kidnapping, so we don't need to broadcast [name redacted] name on clothing or toys.
Please let us know if you have any questions about any items not on this list that you are considering purchasing and we can let you know if we already have it or if it is in storage waiting for him.
By the way, a formal invite from [name redacted] will be arriving in your mailboxes soon…