Don't treat women differently, and other things women wish all salespeople knew

During his sales pitch, one of the water softener salesmen tried to convince me that my kids would get cancer from the chloramine in the water in my town. I read our city water report after he left, and it turns out we don't have chloramine in my town. Why would I trust him after that?

Often, I find that men assume that women make decisions emotionally, while men make them rationally — and they make their sales pitches accordingly. They approach women with emotionally charged stories, hoping they will tug on their heartstrings enough to make the sale. In reality, if you want a woman's business, you have to show her that she can trust you. And you can't do that by bending the truth.

If you want a woman's business, don't exaggerate or lie. Don't be afraid to talk facts and bottom line. If your product is good and it meets our needs, we'll buy it — no elaborate stories needed.

Many times, I've been in a sales situation when the salesman asks my husband several questions about his career, and then asks me questions only about our kids. Is the assumption that I don't have a career because I'm a mom? Or that my career isn't as important?

Either way, it's insulting. The lesson: If you make a snap judgment about how to connect with a woman — simply because she's a woman — you probably won't be successful. If you want a real connection, forget any preconceived notions and simply pay attention to the messages the woman is sending you.

Similarly, in many sales situations, I've found that men often assume they know how much detail I can handle. They water down their presentation or use overly simplified context (such as a prospective employer I met with, who showed me how much they "get women" based on a book they had written comparing financial concepts to items of clothing). Other times, they use an unreasonable amount of detail in an effort to come across as smarter than me or impress me.

In my experience, neither approach ends in a sale. Instead, start with a moderate amount of information and check in occasionally in a respectful way. Try something like, "This is a lot of information. I want to make sure I'm providing what you need — do you want more detail, less detail, or is this about right?"

I've had many salesmen compliment my appearance — they remark that I am both beautiful and intelligent, that I look young for my age, or that it looks like I've lost weight. While these comments were likely made in an effort to connect, they make me uncomfortable, and they don't belong in a professional situation.

Unless you're a hair stylist and you tell a woman what style might suit her face shape, avoid any comments about how she looks. You may consider it a compliment, but it can seem as though you're focused on her appearance rather than her intellect, business savvy, and purchasing power. If you wouldn't tell a man that he looked young for his age, or that his wife is a lucky lady, don't make those comments to a woman, either.

Many of these salesmen, I'm sure, were well-intentioned and just trying to connect. And perhaps these strategies have worked for them with other women in the past.

If that's the case, I'd say this: The dynamic between men and women in professional situations is changing, and now, more than ever before, it's crucial to be aware that what you're communicating with your words and actions might not be sending the message you're intending. Treating people with respect, showing them they can trust you, and going into conversations with an open mind are techniques you've likely heard before, but if you want to be effective selling to women now and in the future, they'll need a new level of awareness. Take it from me: Something's got to change.

Natalie draws on 15 years of comprehensive financial planning experience, six years with fintech startups, and a decade of professional speaking to share advice that works in real life, not just on paper. Now, she speaks to audiences all over the country about aligning their finances (and their lives) with their core values, and finding the balance between enjoying life today and planning for someday. She also consults with fintech companies on everything from advice methodology to brand voice development in order to move their missions forward. Say hello on LinkedIn or Instagram.