All of the weird things I ate at the Summer Fancy Food Show

This ice cream was AMAZING. Really. I only got to try a small sample, but that was probably for my own good. It was super caramel-y and rich, with just a hint of pecan and the right amount of salt. Good job, Paciugo. I can't pronounce your name, but your ice cream is fantastic.

I think I squealed when I found these Kawaii gummies. They claim to be "so cute and so fun," and they definitely are. You can see how they are made here, but you basically combine some kind of gelatin powder and water, follow the instructions, and build your own cute gummies.

These are gummies! They taste absolutely disgusting, but who cares when they're this tiny and adorable.

I was not planning on trying this chili soup with beef and beans, but the very nice lady running the booth basically shoved a cup of it into my hand. It was watery and lukewarm, and I didn't take a second bite. Let's leave chili alone and not turn it into a soup, shall we?

This maple seltzer was not nearly as gross as I thought it was going to be. It was pleasantly sweet and lightly carbonated. I'd like to try it with a little bourbon in it.

I tried these coconut lime popsicles from Good Pops next. They were creamy and didn't taste artificial or weird, so there's that. If you're looking for a 120-calorie popsicle, I'd definitely hit these guys up.

This was good as a novelty and it actually tasted like beer. I'm not sure I'd want to put it on my toast every morning, but if you have a friend who is annoyingly obsessed with pale ales, this jelly from Potlicker would make a great gift.

I was offered this dry Shacksbury cider around 11am, so naturally, I accepted. I could have drunk the whole can. It was light and refreshing and not nearly as sweet as a lot of "dry" ciders I've had. Plus, the can is wonderfully minimal, which I'm always a sucker for.

Little Baby's also has really great packaging, so good job guys. I opted to try the Earl Grey sriracha flavor, which I sort of regret but was also sort of surprised by. I certainly couldn't finish an entire serving of it, but it wasn't bad, either. It had a nice tea base with a spicy aftertaste from the sriracha. The ice cream itself had a great texture. I do wish I had tried the smoked cinnamon flavor, though.

I'm sure you've heard of bubble (boba) tea, but this was made with super fresh, just-made boba, otherwise known as tapicoa balls. The milk tea that it was served with was equally good.

Meh. This was fine. We've all had beet juice at this point, I'd imagine, but this was a cute way to dispense it.

I can't believe this was honey, because it tasted like caramel. Bumbleberry Farms makes a whole bunch of different kinds of these spreads, and they should keep me far away from them because they are ridiculously good.

I took a photo of this salad out of anger. Who let salad into this snack-fest? I didn't even try it, I just seethed and stared.

I was really excited to finally see some pickles after all of the ice cream and sweet stuff. I. Love. Pickles. These ones from Backyard Brine were perfectly crunchy and packed with garlic-dill flavor. They also had a pumpernickel variety with caraway seeds, which was truly inspired.

Bresaola is an Italian cured beef, and I already knew I liked it, so I helped myself to this plate from Lancaster Farmhouse. As expected, it was delicious, as nearly all charcuterie is.

Pork or fish floss is smokey, slightly crunchy, and absolutely delicious. I personally prefer pork floss to fish floss, but I'm always delighted whenever I order something and see that it's topped with either. If you've never had it, seek it out, as it adds a wonderful texture to foods like rice or tofu. It's also great eaten all on its own. Trust me.

These tasted just like regular rice noodles, but they were pink. Cute gimmick, though.

Nothing special here, except that this character on the box looks a whole lot like Woody from Toy Story. I'm sure that's just a coincidence.

There wasn't any candy in these guys, but I was drawn to them anyway. Maybe it's because I am a firm believer in the "happy food, happy life" philosophy. The guy at this booth also wanted me to know that he was single "for three days" during the convention. Thanks for the info, guy! Moving on.

I asked this guy to slice off a fresh piece of prosciutto for a photo, but I was also secretly hoping he'd slice an extra-big piece for me. And guess what? He did.

I nearly ran to this booth when I saw these giant Dum-Dums, but when I realized that they were just a bunch of smaller lollipops wrapped together I felt incredibly betrayed and left immediately.

...but not before I snapped this photo of actual giant candy. Big candy buttons! In gourmet flavors, like cherry, orange, and lemon! Are those gourmet? Who cares? Big candy buttons!

Look at the marbling on these babies. This booth had no samples to offer, but I did ogle over these steaks for a minute.

You had to actively avoid matcha at this convention. It was everywhere.

Finally! I was jonesing for some Hello Kitty stuff. These are those fun sodas that have a marble in them for some reason. I tried the cotton candy flavor. It was incredibly sweet, but it's supposed to be, so I was fine with it.

This is my favorite snack brand name to date. Spread for Bread! It tells you everything you need to know right there on the package! I tried some of the chocolate spread on wonderfully fluffy Japanese milk bread. It was Nutella-esque and very good. I would definitely eat this for breakfast, or probably out of the jar, if we're being honest.

Apparently Spread for Bread also makes Amazing Icing, though I didn't get to try it.

More Hello Kitty stuff! These marshmallows were truly awesome. They are seemingly regular marshmallows, but when you bite into them, there's a chocolate or green tea center! It's kind of genius. I had to walk away before I ate a whole bag.

This yuzu soy sauce was wonderful. It was light and refreshing and I can only dream of marinating a piece of fish with it. I could only find the tamari option online, but I hope that the yuzu version will be available soon, too.

Seaweed salad was very hot at this year's Fancy Food Show. By the time I stumbled upon my first helping of it, though, I was thrilled. "Something green!" I thought to myself, knowing full well that a couple of bites of seaweed didn't excuse me from all of the junk food I'd already eaten. Oh well.

I fully expected this to be gross, and I wasn't even sure if I should be eating questionably-sliced roast beef on a stick surrounded by haphazardly scattered bits of mixed greens. I went for it, though, and I've got to say: I would absolutely love to eat this on a sandwich.

Freshly fried Korean fried chicken. Thank you, chicken gods.

I really like mayonnaise and I am not about to have a discussion with you if you think it's gross. Kewpie is a very special brand of mayonnaise that comes in a creepy plastic doll bottle. It's super creamy and a little sweeter and tangier than most mayonnaise brands. I highly recommend trying it.

I just walked by and ate this without asking anything about it. That's where I am in my life.

I've been a big fan of Olympia Provisions for a while now, but I had never had Greek-style salami. It was fantastic! I had two pieces.

For every plate of charcuterie, there was a giant display of cheese right next to it. I dug right in, including this giant block of Parmigiano Reggiano.

Someone asked me if I wanted to try a cone filled with duck mousse and I blindly took one. It was delicious. I wish they had offered me another one.

I normally don't love blue cheese, but this one from Point Reyes was really good! Way to make blue cheese tolerable again.

Ugh. Why?

I was told this was an incredibly popular flavor in the Philippines. The ube was great! The cheese bits... not so much.

These were also sold to me as the most popular hot dogs in the Philippines. They are made with both turkey and pork, and have an unsettling red ring around the outside of the meat tube. I liked the pickled toppings a lot.

I didn't eat these. Do you blame me?

This popcorn was spicy but it definitely didn't kick my ass. Nice try, donkey.

I tried these because I am a true journalist committed to her craft. Also, I love cheese curds. These really did taste like a taco, but that doesn't mean that they were good.

String whips are great! I love string whips. They're basically string cheese without having to peel anything, which I think we can all agree is needlessly complicated. I just want to shove a bunch of pre-peeled strings of cheese into my mouth, and now I can finally do that.

I had never tried raw cheddar made from goat milk, but this was wonderful. It was a bit nutty and incredibly clean-tasting. Raw goat cheese cheddar all the way!

I thought that these bacon s'mores would be gross, but they were just lovely. The crisps were light and airy, the chocolate was just the right amount of bitter, and there was just a hint of bacon to play off all of the sweet elements.

Mortadella is basically fancy bologna, and it's super underrated. This extra garlicky mortadella from Creminelli was right up my alley.

Coolhaus has existed in Brooklyn for years, so I'm very familiar with their products, but I couldn't resist a spoonful of their bananas foster ice cream. They make good stuff.

Sliced chorizo is an excellent alternative to regular Italian salami or pepperoni on your charcuterie board. I personally always grab some when I'm having a party, and Charlito's Cocina makes a really good version.

I know that "dried fruit crackers" sound like some kind of cruel joke, but I'm telling you, these were awesome. Fruit and cheese go really well together, so why not dry out some thinly sliced pieces of orange or apple or pear and top them with a creamy cheese? I'm a believer.

I laughed when I saw a booth for San Francisco Cheesecake Company, because we're in New York, where we make "real" cheesecake, but I was totally wrong! These cheesecakes were wonderfully creamy with a buttery graham cracker crust, plus they had a candy cap mushroom flavor. What's a candy cap mushroom, you ask? It's a mushroom that tastes like maple syrup. I'm serious. I was totally blown away.

I'm getting a sugar rush just looking at this picture. How could I pass up all these gummies? Answer: I couldn't.

I hope this bums you out as much as it bums me out.

Aren't these adorable? They're lollipops! What will they think of next?

More from the geniuses over at Melville Candy. These are too cute!

Honestly, I chortled when I saw the name of these things. What the hell is a chortle? Thankfully, the description is right there under the name. I tried a few. They tasted like Teddy Grahams. I'd eat a few handfulls of these without thinking.

Someone save me from myself.

This was some kind of blue cheese coated in a coffee crust. I was sort of excited about trying it, but I could barely taste any coffee flavor at all. Maybe that was for the best.

These tasted like regular ol' malted milk balls, but aren't they dazzling?

Mochi ice cream is just ice cream wrapped in a sweet, gelatinous rice wrapper, but it's weirdly addictive. I tried this tiramisu flavor from Bubbies and was instantly in heaven.

Someone was just making Belgian waffles just to convince others to start up a Belgian waffle franchise. I had a bite of delicious waffle and continued on with my journey.

I took one bite of this and threw the rest away. Some things don’t need to be spicy

These waffle cone shots can be filled with milk or coffee or booze. I wanted to try one, but the line was insane and full of people who were literally pushing each other to get a free waffle cone. I decided to go on with life and kept walking.

A chef I met last year opened my eyes to the wonderful world of canned seafood. Americans should eat more canned seafood beyond the usual tuna. These were really tasty, and I wasn't even sad that I missed out on that waffle cone after trying one.

In my opinion, this martini has the appropriate amount of olives.

Meat Barbie is both wonderful and disturbing. Is she waving to say hi, or is she waving for help? We'll never know.

Iberico cheese is a new thing for me! It was slightly firm with a buttery texture, so obviously I loved it, but also, have you ever seen cheese so elegantly displayed on a clothesline before? Me neither.

This giant side of blue fin tuna was just hanging out in a plastic-covered case. I hung around for a minute hoping someone would offer me a taste, but they didn't. I stomped away, angrily.

Coconut yogurt tastes like coconuts — can you believe it? Really, though, it was tasty! I'd eat this any day.

Who doesn't want to spray their cakes or doughnuts with an edible aerosol spray?

Have you ever wanted to drink slimy seeds that you also have to chew? Congratulations! They made a drink that tastes like that.

You probably shouldn't just eat a plate of sushi that someone hands to you, but I did. I was just thankful to eat something that was real food instead of a yogurt or cheese sample. Or the aforementioned chia seed juice.

These tempura seaweed chips were delightful! I could have eaten a whole bag by myself. The sriracha was spicy but not too spicy, and the mango chipotle was just faintly flavored, so it wasn't overwhelming. A+.

Ito En is already my favorite tea brand, but I think that barley tea is often overlooked. I generally drink it hot, but I've never seen it bottled and served cold here in the US! It's slightly sweet and weirdly satisfying, like you're having a light snack. I know that sounds insane, but try it and tell me I'm wrong.

More from Ito En, and another winner at that. This canned matcha was light, a little bit sweet, and extremely refreshing. I really needed a caffeine boost at this point in the day, and this really hit the spot.

These were actually pretty cool. They're little spheres that pack a ton of flavor and are meant to be used in fancy dishes of some sort, I would imagine. I think a few of the vinegar and shallot pearls, for example, would be great on a raw oyster. I also tried a yuzu flavor that was incredibly flavorful. You can buy them from Christine Le Tennier.

So much cheese.

Truffle zest is genius. I was dubious at first, but I tried some on potato chips as well as on hummus, and both were awesome. I think you could easily overdo it with this stuff, as a little goes a long way, but I'd happily sprinkle this over my popcorn, mixed nuts, or even eggs, if I'm feeling fancy.

I normally love Turkish delight, but I had to spit this blueberry-lavender version out. It was like eating flowery soap and I couldn't get to another booth fast enough to get the taste out of my mouth.

I have no idea what the context is here. I passed by this display of cheese adorned with jewels and a "Sweet 16" tiara, took a photo, and kept walking. It's probably for the best to keep this one a mystery.

These were delicious! They tasted a bit like the bits of crispy rice you sometimes get on the bottom of your pan after you're finished cooking. I especially liked the sesame variety. They're available from San-J.

Sometimes just because you can do something doesn't mean you should do it.

I wasn't allowed to touch these truffles even though I really, really wanted to.

You can't go wrong with Jelly Belly. There were tons of fun flavors, like Soda Shoppe (with various soda flavors), cream soda, cocktail classics, chili mango, and pomegranate.

I immediately grabbed one of these when I saw "foamy" because that just sounds wrong, but guess what? It's so right. These gummies were wonderful. They have a weird, bubbly texture that I can't accurately describe but they were good! Plus, they're shaped like monster trucks, so that's fun.

Of course this exists.

My mom is Canadian, so I've long known that Canadians make the best potato chips. Take these donair (kebab) chips, for example — pure genius.

Another example of excellence: hot dog flavored potato chips. They tasted exactly like a hot dog with ketchup, mustard, and relish. I would have eaten more if people weren't watching me.

Covered Bridge just gets me — these were great and tasted just like dill pickles.

These seem totally unnecessary to me, but I guess if you love the taste of fresh herbs but don't want to have to chop or wash anything, this is the product for you.

LaCroix is, by far, the trendiest non-alcoholic beverage on the market right now. My bodega just started carrying it last week, and I was far too excited when I saw them in the refrigerators in the back of the store because apparently, I'm sort of basic. This was made even more clear to me when I bee lined it over to the LaCroix booth to sample some flavored seltzer water. Whatever. I don't know if it's the beautiful can or the actual flavors, but I love this stuff and you should too.

I turned the corner and found... MORE LACROIX! These are the new "bold" flavors, with options like cherry-lime and pineapple-strawberry. Hook it to my veins.

I almost spit these out, but powered through. They tasted like hot ash.

I honestly couldn't believe it took me this long to see some good old Guy Fieri-branded nonsense. I especially love how he stamped each bottle with his own signature. Guy!

These chews were like incredibly sweet taffy, but I liked them all the same because they reminded me of my childhood sugar rushes. Lemon Berry Squeeze was my favorite, of course.

I actually love this idea. We have instant noodles, so why not instant seaweed salad? I would totally eat this for a snack or with my lunch at the office. You just need to add hot water and a dressing and you're ready to go.

I tried the umami puree with ginger on a cracker, and it was so much better than I thought it would be. It's extremely flavorful, as you would imagine, and it really packs a punch. I'd happily add this to soups or a sauce, or maybe even use it as a marinade.

I'm a vinegar fiend, which is honestly a weird thing to type, but so be it. I drink kombucha pretty regularly, and these vinegars were lovely. You can dilute them or drink them on their own, or you can add them to a marinade or a salad dressing. If you like bold flavors, give these a try.