31 of the most cringe-worthy science jokes
Q: Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? A: It went OK.
If the Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up, they'd be alloys.
Explanation: In chemistry, an alloy is a mixture of metals. Silver and Iron are both metals, so if these guys teamed up they wouldn't just be allies, they would be alloys too. Find the joke here.
The optimist sees the glass half full. The pessimist sees the glass half empty. The chemist sees the glass completely full, half with liquid and half with air.
Explanation: The glass is always completely full of something, be it a solid, liquid, or gas — unless the entire thing is in a vacuum and all the atoms are removed. Find the joke here.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
Explanation: This is a play on the phrase "If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem."
But in chemistry a solution is a completely dissolved mixture of two or more compounds, and a precipitate is a a solid that sometimes forms from a chemical reaction in a liquid solution. The solid precipitate falls out of solution, and collects in the bottom of the vial.
So a precipitate is definitely not part of the solution. Find the joke here.
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage. He says, "No, I'm traveling light."
Explanation: OK, this is more of a physics joke. A photon is a packet of light and has zero mass. Not only is it literally traveling light (the illuminating kind), it's also traveling light (as in not heavy). Find the joke here.
Organic chemistry is difficult. Those who study it have alkynes of trouble.
Explanation: An alkyne is a common type of carbon compound with one carbon-to-carbon triple bond. They are frequently used and studied in organic chemistry. It's pronounced like "al kine." So, alkynes of trouble sounds like all kinds of trouble. Find the joke here.
Did you just mutate for a stop codon? Because you're talking nonsense!
Explanation: A stop codon is a nucleotide in messenger RNA that signals the stop of a translation — the process that cells use to make proteins. Find the joke here.
Q: How did the English major define microtome on his biology exam? A: An itsy bitsy book.
Explanation: Tome means book, so a micro-tome would be a small book, but to a biologist, a microtome is an instrument used to cut tissue into thin slices. Find the joke here.
Q: What did Gregor Mendel say when he founded genetics? A: Woopea!
Explanation: Gregor Mendel’s genetics experiments were done with pea plants. Find the joke here.
Q: Did you hear about the man who got cooled to absolute zero? A: He's 0K now.
Explanation: "0K" here actually stands for zero Kelvin. Kelvin is a temperature scale in which zero is the coldest possible temperature, referred to as absolute zero, where molecules cease to move. A person wouldn't actually be OK if cooled to absolute zero. Find the joke here.
I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.
Explanation: In RNA, adenine (A) forms a "base pair" with uracil (U). Find the joke here.
Q: Anyone know any jokes about sodium? A: Na
Explanation: The symbol for sodium on the periodic table is "Na," which when said as a word is pronounced like nah, another way to say no. Find the joke here.
Two chemists go into a bar. The first one says "I think I'll have an H2O." The second one says "I think I'll have an H2O too" — and he died.
Explanation: H20 is the molecular formula for water. But H2O2 is the molecular formula for hydrogen peroxide, which will kill you if you drink it. Find the joke here.
A couple of biologists had twins. They named one Jessica and the other Control.
Explanation: Scientists must always use a control group or condition — which they don't experiment on and just leave "as-is" — when conducting an experiment. Find the joke here.
Did you hear the one about the recycling triplets? Their names are Polly, Ethel, and Ian.
Explanation: Polyethylene is the most common type of plastic. Find the joke here.
Q: Why can you never trust atoms? A: They make up everything!
Explanation: Atoms are the smallest pieces of matter, they make up all of the elements and molecules and proteins and everything else on Earth.
They also literally make up everything we see, but in the joke they are suggesting that the atoms lie so don't trust them. Find the joke here.
Q: What element is a girl's future best friend? A: Carbon.
Explanation: "Diamonds are a girl's best friend" is a well-known saying. Diamonds are created from carbon under extreme pressurize and over time, so carbon will eventually become "a girl's best friend" — hence her "future best friend." Find the joke here.
I had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.
Explanation: Argon is an element on the periodic table. When you say it out loud it sounds like you are saying "are gone." Find the joke here.
Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.
Explanation: In biology, cells multiply in number when one cell divides into two. Find the joke here.
The name's Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.
Explanation: We all know James Bond's famous drink order: Shaken, not stirred. But an ionic bond is formed between two atoms when electrons are taken from one atom by the other, unlike a covalent bond where the atoms share their electrons. And, taken rhymes with shaken. Find the joke here.
Q: Why are chemists great for solving problems? A: They have all the solutions.
Explanation: In chemistry a solution is the proper name for a mixture where one substance is completely dissolved in another — like sugar or salt in water. Solutions are also the answers to problems. Find the joke here.
Q: What do chemists call a benzene ring with iron atoms replacing the carbon atoms? A: A ferrous wheel.
Explanation: A benzene ring is a hexagon-shaped ring made out of hydrogen and carbon atoms — so it basically resembles a wheel. "Ferrous" is used an adjective to describe something with iron in it, so a wheel of iron is a Ferrous wheel, which sounds similar to Ferris wheel, the carnival ride. Find the joke here.
What did the male stamen say to the female pistil? A: I like your "style."
Explanation: The stamen and pistil are the male and female parts of a flower. The style is the name of one of the structures of the pistil. Source.
Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who visited 30 different countries and spoke 6 languages? He was a man of many cultures.
Explanation: In microbiology, a "culture" is a colony of microorganisms grown in a lab. Find the joke here.
A fellow accidentally ingested some alpha-L-glucose and discovered that he had no ill effect. Apparently he was ambidextrose.
Explanation: Alpha-L-glucose is a low-calorie sweetener substitute for regular D-glucose. Dextrose is another word for glucose. So instead of being ambidextrous, the fellow is ambidextrose — meaning he can tolerate either kind of sugar. Find the joke here.
Girl, you’re so hot you denature my proteins.
Explanation: Proteins denature — lose their shape and structure — when things get hot. Attractive people are frequently referred to as "hot" — in this case, so hot they could denature proteins. Find the joke here.
Q: What is the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome? A: Pull down its genes!
Explanation: Chromosomes in a cell carry genes — including those that determine an individual’s sex, specifically held on the visually distinct X and Y chromosomes. Two Xs and you are female, one Y and you are male. By isolating and analyzing a cell's chromosomes, scientists are able to determine the sex of that organism. Find the joke here.
Q: What do you call the leader of a biology gang? A: The nucleus
Explanation: The nucleus is essentially the control center of a cell, which dictates what the rest of the cell does. Find the joke here.
Q: What did the conservative biologist say? A: The only cleavage I want to see is at the cellular level.
Explanation: Cleavage is the name of the indentation in a cell’s surface created when it is about to divide. To the rest of the world cleavage is when women wear clothing that shows off the top of their chest, and conservative clothing usually covers the chest. Find the joke here.
Q: Y'all want to hear a Potassium joke? A: K
Explanation: The symbol for Potassium on the periodic table is "K." Find the joke here.
14. Baby, I wish I were DNA helicase so I could unzip your genes.
Explanation: DNA helicase is an enzyme that unzips a strand of DNA down the middle. Your genes are made of DNA strands. Genes sounds a lot like jeans — an item of clothing that is typically undone with a zipper. Find the joke here.
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