Stewart flashed back to November 2011, when Congress called the sequester "painful" and President Barack Obama said flatly that it "would not happen."
"It's as likely as Dennis Rodman being our chief envoy to North Korea," Stewart quipped, referring to Rodman's bizarre trip last week.
But it happened, Stewart said, "because Congress, in its infinite wisdom, forgot just how [expletive] incompetent they really are."
Stewart also blasted the media for giving more attention to Obama's Star Wars-Star Trek mix-up, which Stewart said was a mess-up of two completely made-up things. But the media almost ignored House Speaker John Boehner's statement that taxation was like stealing, which Stewart said "reflected a deep misunderstanding of the United States Constitution."
"The Speaker of the House said taxing people is stealing!" Stewart yelled. "Tip to cable news — if there's anything you don't need to fact check, it's Star Wars or Star Trek."
Watch the clips below, courtesy of Comedy Central: