Without access to support, supplies, or even pediatricians, new moms are struggling under the pandemic's 'big black fog'

• Some 15% of women experience postpartum depression. The pandemic can increase stress and anxiety because the usual support networks are unavailable.
• "The hardest part of the postpartum experience for me has just been not having anyone to help us," said one new mom.
• Sarah Verbiest of the University of North Carolina's Center for Maternal and Infant Health told Insider new moms should give themselves permission to "just feel the loss of that experience."
• Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.

Sara Mauskopf thought she knew what to expect following the birth of her third child, Ryan.

She had lined up a lactation consultation, arranged for childcare, and expected her two older children to be in preschool during the day.

Mauskopf's partner at Winnie, the childcare company she runs, had recently given birth and the two women had coordinated their maternity leave. They even installed a nursery in their San Francisco office for drop-in visits.

But when she gave birth on March 29, those carefully laid plans unraveled.

"It's very intense. I have two other kids. I have this newborn, I don't have help at night. So I'm staying up all night with the baby." Mauskopf, 35, told Insider. "On top of that, I have my company that I have to run. This is really a time when the team needs a lot of leadership, so I can't take the same level of leave that I had hoped."

She's also had to make do with limited in-person access to a pediatrician.

"I've only been to one pediatrician visit and then everything else has been video-conferencing," Mauskopf said. "It's so strange checking for jaundice or looking at the baby's muscle tone [myself]. Those are the things I'm looking at and checking and having to flag if I notice anything concerning."

Without regular checkups, Mauskopf said, "It is pretty nerve-racking to really feel like the buck stops with me and my husband, checking on the baby."

She's grateful that Ryan isn't her first child.

"My heart really goes out to first-time parents, because I think it's so difficult to navigate having a new baby when everything is available to you," Mauskopf said. "And now I even have trouble buying diapers and wipes. If this was my first child, I don't think I would be talking to you."

'I had imagined being surrounded by other women'

Maggie Burr is a first-time mom in Holland, Michigan. She told Insider she's struggling without the physical support of family and friends she expected.

"The hardest part of the postpartum experience for me has just been not having anyone to help us," Burr, 40, said. "It happened so quickly. We knew COVID-19 was coming, but we didn't realize how fast everything was going to change."

Practicing social distancing meant no nannies or babysitters, and subsequently no downtime. "My husband and I haven't had any time to ourselves without the baby since she was born," Burr said. "That was not what we expected."

After six weeks the couple is finally starting to adjust. But Burr says she feels like she's been robbed of the female community she imagined would support her in the first months of motherhood.

One friend had even offered to reorganize a guest bedroom, allowing Burr to nap while she watched the baby at her house.

"Because people were being incredibly generous with their offers, I had imagined being surrounded by other women," Burr said. "My husband is wonderful, but it's not the same as being around other moms."

For many mothers, the virus has put a pall over bonding time with their baby

On Reddit, the mother of a 7-week-old confided she was "close to losing it."

"I really shouldn't be having to deal with the anxiety that if I take my newborn outside for her vaccinations, she could catch coronavirus," bunbun221 wrote. "If I get sick or die, there won't be anyone to feed her."

The pandemic has smothered what should be a wonderful time under a "big black fog," she added.

"Nobody will look back on this time and think about how fast she grew, or how good her cuddles are, or how cute her first smiles were," she wrote. "All they'll think about is f--king COVID-19."

Sarah Verbiest, the director of the University of North Carolina's Center for Maternal and Infant Health, told Insider that new moms should give themselves permission to feel sad or frustrated.

"Just feel the loss of that experience," Verbiest said, adding that new moms can think about "what was the most important thing that they needed and how they could get that support in a different way."

That will look different for everyone, she added, but it could include regularly scheduled video chats with family and friends or seeking out online support groups and resources.

Verbiest also encouraged moms to be vigilant about their mental health. Even without the stress surrounding the pandemic, 15% of new mothers experience postpartum depression, according to Postpartum Support International, and 10% develop postpartum anxiety.

Verbiest said social distancing is making things harder for new moms because "a lot of the coping strategies that we normally recommend — like spending time outside, spending time with friends, and getting extra help — are not available."

Postpartum depression or pandemic anxiety?

Though she had felt some anxiety after bringing her baby home from the hospital in March, Kathryn, a 39-year-old mom in Indiana, didn't think it was postpartum depression.

She was sure the hospital's screening survey didn't apply to her.

"I'm taking the survey, thinking none of this is baby-related," Kathryn told Insider. "Yes, I feel overwhelmed. Yes, I feel slightly depressed. Yes, I feel like things are just out of my control. But things are out of my control," she said. "But none of this is postpartum, this is all COVID-19."

"Everyone is depressed and anxious right now," bunbun211 wrote on Reddit. "Why should I deserve more help or support than others? Having a baby doesn't make me special."

It may be months before we can tell if the pandemic has caused rates of postpartum depression to rise. But even during a global health crisis, Verbiest said, new moms have to advocate for help.

"It doesn't matter whether she's nervous because she has a new baby, she has postpartum depression, or she watched the news and is freaking out," she said. "It's all valid and it's important to talk to her healthcare provider."

The pandemic has actually made it more acceptable to talk about anxiety and depression, Verbiest added.

"[That] can be a really positive thing when we think about perinatal mood disorders," she said, "because a lot of the time that stigma stops moms from getting the help they need."