- I'm a busy working mom who's forgotten various school events for my children.
- It only gets worse around the holidays; I start judge myself and wonder if I'm a bad mom.
On the morning of the book fair at my daughter's school, one of the other moms called me. When I answered, I was mortified to hear my 7-year-old's tiny voice: "Mom, you forgot to put money in my account."
It was just one of the many tasks and dates I have to keep in mind this time of year: days off, class projects, fundraisers, holiday celebrations, birthday parties, and something called handbag bingo.
While the school year has its fair share of chaos, the holiday season is where everything collides. My two daughters, who are 7 and 3, are at different schools, and the number of emails I receive is overwhelming. Every Christmas I turn into a Last-Minute Mom or a Whoops-I-Forgot-About-That Mom.
But this year I'm working on forgiving myself.
All year I've forgotten about some school events
Walking into the school Halloween bash this year, I saw parents manning the ticket booths and leading the kids in pumpkin crafts. I felt terrible that I hadn't remembered to volunteer, and I avoided eye contact as I skulked in.
One day I showed up at the bus stop flustered to see perfectly dressed children; I forgot it was picture day. "Yes," I told the other parents, "I totally remembered. This is how I intended for my daughter to be immortalized: in a Pokémon shirt and uncombed hair!"
When a new email pinged my phone this year, I looked away; I don't have it in me to figure out what handbag bingo is via email.
In my embarrassment, I try to let myself off the hook. I have a full-time job; that's why I feel like I'm scrambling to keep my head above water. But the other moms also have full-time jobs, and they seem to have it all figured out.
It all seems to coalesce during the holidays, my busiest period of the year. Every time the season throws another weekend visitor or dance performance my way and I fail, I can't help but blame myself.
I realized that blaming myself doesn't help
When I see another missed task, I reprimand myself: "You're a bad mom. Why did you forget again?"
I pile on, remembering I needed to RSVP for a Christmas party three days ago and lamenting the stack of overdue library books sitting on my counter.
The more I criticize myself, the worse I feel.
This holiday season, though, I'm deciding to actually let myself off the hook. It's not the end of the world if I fail. It's OK if my daughter has a hot-dog bun with honey for lunch because I forgot to get bread. It's OK if we buy the birthday present on the way to the party. It's OK if our family's Christmas card is a Halloween picture and we send it sometime in mid-January.
It's all OK because there are so many things I do right as a mom. I snuggle in bed to read with my kids every night. I let them get messy with paints, and I take them to get sushi — their favorite — when I don't have time to cook. When I see them laughing at an impromptu playground trip, I remember it's not meticulous planning that matters but the love I have for them.
So what if I forgot a Pajama Day (or two) — big deal. No good comes from putting pressure on myself to get it all right during the holidays. I'll do my best to remember the next thing I need to do for school, but I'm officially forgiving myself for missing the unimportant stuff.