'The damage she caused was irreversible': 90% of male revenge porn victims are also blackmailed, but the police just don't care

• While only a small number of revenge porn victims are male, many of them face additional challenges that include being turned away from the police or social services.
• Nine out of 10 men are also victims of sextortion, a crime related to revenge porn that involves using the sexually explicit content to financially blackmail victims.
• Insider spoke to two male victims of the crime who claim that they were turned away from vital services simply because they were men.
• It's also a lot more difficult for men to come forward and claim that they are victims of the crime.
• Visit Insider's homepage for more stories.

Martin and Maureen* fell in love while going to college in North Carolina and quickly became — what he called — the ultimate "power couple." Within a year of meeting each other, they got married, bought a house, and opened up their own successful business — a little cafe in Raleigh that served coffee and baked goods. They were together for four years.

At first, Martin ignored the subtle signs that Maureen always liked to be in control of him: the constant phone calls to check where he was, strict orders not to see his friends and jokey threats that if he didn't obey her wishes, she would "ruin his life."

But soon, Martin was unable to do anything without being yelled at. Maureen hacked into his phone, responded to text messages he received, and told everyone in his close friendship circles that he wanted to be left alone. She also convinced him that his family hated him.

"The relationship became more and more controlling. I was locked in a box, I wasn't allowed to do anything. By the final year, I was constantly thinking of ways I could leave the house, looking for safe places to stay," Martin told Insider.

Then she sent an email to his family, friends, and employees.

But her abusive behavior didn't stop there. After filing for a divorce, Maureen posted rants online claiming Martin was a cheater, a liar, a narcissist, and a drunk. She then took it one step further and did the unthinkable: she posted several nude images of him on Facebook. To make things worse, she also sent them in an email to all of his family members, his friends, and his employees. It was devastating.

"The damage she caused was irreversible. When she put those photos up, my employees saw it, my family saw it, my customers saw it, it completely ruined my reputation, it completely ruined my business. I lost my income, I moved out of my home, and virtually lost my life because of the damage that this caused," he said.

The experience was so humiliating that Martin moved out of North Carolina and onto the couch of his mother's living room in Arizona, where he has been living for the past 18 months.

Since then, his ex-wife has used his nude images as a means of blackmail, taking away everything he ever owned. By threatening to share his images, Martin's ex ended up not only with the legal rights to their home, but also their shared business.

Meanwhile, Martin is homeless, unemployed, and shunned by everyone in his family, except for his mother.

"I live in a state of paranoia. I don't feel safe. She knows she can do whatever she wants whenever she wants. She is causing damage faster than I could repair it. It is systematic sabotage of my life," Martin said.

90% of male revenge porn victims are also victims of sextortion.

Like most victims of so-called revenge porn, Martin never thought that his nude images, which he originally shared with his partner privately, would be used against him.

According to a recent study, only 25% of victims of revenge porn are male. But 9 out of 10 of those men are also victims of "sextortion," a form of revenge porn that involves financially blackmailing the victim on top of the humiliation of being exposed online. Blackmail is a separate crime that potentially carries a federal prison sentence.

In other words, revenge porn affects men and women in dramatically different ways: although most victims of revenge porn are women, most male victims are also the victims of blackmail.

As of 2013, 46 states, a US territory, and Washington DC have all passed variations of the revenge porn law. If convicted, perpetrators — the majority of whom are men posting images of women — face serious consequences, including 10-year prison sentences in some states or fines up to $10,000 in others. Almost 13% of the US population has fallen victim to the non-consensual sharing of nude images — a number which experts believe is much higher, according to a study by the Cyber Civil Rights Initiative.

Despite this, police are often untrained, ignorant of the law, and unsympathetic towards victims, as Insider uncovered earlier this year. This approach applies to both men and women. However, male victims, in particular, don't receive help simply due to the fact that they are men.

Martin has reported his case to police in three different states — Arizona, North Carolina, and California — and none have opened investigations into his case. Police in these three jurisdictions did not respond to request for comment by Insider.

"It seemed like any excuse was given not to help me: 'Oh you weren't nude enough, there are naked men on the internet all over the place that were more naked than you'", Martin said of the reactions by police.

Natalie Quinn-Walker, a lecturer at the Arden University, told Insider: "In my research, I have found that most male victims are not believed or sufficiently supported when they tell their stories of abuse to healthcare professionals or supportive services."

'I'm sorry but this service is really just for women'

With the police uninterested in enforcing the law, Martin — who developed PTSD from the experience — sought help from counselors and social services instead.

Yet no one was willing to help.

"In North Carolina, I went to a counselor who was willing to see me. But when I started asking for counseling, education, and support groups, she came back and she said: 'I'm sorry but this service is really just for women. We can't really see you for any of that,'" he said.

"The fact still remains that I am not receiving services or support because of my gender. That is consistent across the whole spectrum of my experience, that I can prove. That I can say beyond any doubt," he added.

Martin is not the only one.

Brad, from Los Angeles, California told Insider that it took him several weeks before he decided to report his case to the police. Wheeler's ex-partner shared two nude pictures of him on Twitter and Facebook and has refused to take them down. When he finally reported them to police, he was left stunned at how badly it was handled.

"It was already very difficult for me to come forward to the police about my pictures. But when I finally had the guts to go ahead and report it, I was laughed at. Like in my face laughed at. It was as if my horrible experience was just some kind of joke to them because I was a man," he said.

'For everyone, it was just like a joke'

Often, the experience of male victims is treated as if it is a joke. But why?

Matthew Hall, a professor and author of the book "Revenge Porn: Gender, Sexualities, and Motivations" told Insider: "In the broader social context, men are often viewed as the stronger sex. This works the same with male victims because we ask ourselves: 'How can a woman have done this to him?'

"So, when it's reported to the police, for example, it is not taken as seriously. It's not dealt with in the same way that female cases are,'" he added.

Another victim Insider spoke to — who did not want to be named — had several nude images of himself posted on Facebook by his ex-girlfriend after she found out he had a new partner. The explicit pictures, which were eventually taken down, attracted hundreds of comments.

But instead of messages condoning the illegal behavior, people chose to joke about the images. "I was really unnerved as to how it wasn't taken seriously in any way, shape, or form. For everyone, it was just like a joke," he said.

"A lot of the comments were very light-hearted and comical. As if there is something funny about that part of the male body. I was completely in shock and embarrassed. I have family and friends on Facebook. I can't even begin to tell you just how awful that feeling is," he added.

A majority of men are too ashamed to come forward

One part of the problem of men not receiving the help they need is that many of them don't want to come forward in the first place.

According to a study conducted by the Revenge Porn Hotline, 81% of male sextortion victims do not report their cases to police.

"It's much more difficult for men to come out and claim that they have abused, domestically or through image-based sexual abuse like revenge porn," Hall said.

Quinn-Walker agreed: "With male victims, it can be difficult for them to report their case to the police because many of them may too afraid to come forward, as they may fear the risk of being unbelieved or unsupported."

"A common misconception is that they can just escape their relationship with their abuser when in reality many of them remain in their toxic relationships due to a variety of reasons such as entrapment, children, stigmatization, and fear of how society will respond," she added.

'I have been trying to deal with this on my own … I don't know if I'm getting any better or any worse'

Martin, who grew up with two sisters, said that he never learned to see the warning signs of abuse. "Being a male, growing up as a male, I was always taught to be tough. I didn't know what abuse looked like, I was told to ignore it and take it like a man," he said.

But Martin is careful not to point any fingers at women and doesn't want his story to take away from the fact that, according to the latest figures, this crime is still very much targeted primarily at women.

"I try not to engage in a battle of the sexes because I know that's not the right way to approach my experience. All I know is that I'm not receiving help. That I think I can say, and that is not anti-women or anti-feminist. That, I feel, I can say without pointing the finger back at women," he adds.

After 18 months of trying to get help, Martin hasn't given up. He practices meditation, exercises a lot, and has blocked his ex-partner on all technical devices. "I have been trying to deal with this on my own," he said. "I don't know if I'm getting any better or any worse. I don't know if I'm doing it right. But what else can I do?"

*Insider changed some of the names in this article.

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