Summer as a divorced parent goes too fast. I much prefer the school year when I see my kids more.
- I'm a mom of two kids, ages 9 and 11.
- I divorced their dad and we share custody, so I only see them half the time.
One thing I didn't expect as a divorced parent is how different summer would be. The everlasting days of summer feel rushed and hurried now and then feel too long when my kids aren't with me. It's crushing.
My kids are 11 and 9 years old, and they alternate between homes week to week during the school year. It's the same back-and-forth schedule during the summer.
I count the weeks of summer vacation and mark on my calendar "yes" for my week and "no" when it is other parents' time. This summer I will see my kids the second and third week of June, and then two weeks in July and one week in August before school starts again. It will zip by.
Summer break is now a new type of pressure when it's split to make each week memorable in some way. I'm up against the clock, my summer budget, and the scorching heat.
I have to plan everything out
Since my kids are a little older, I tell them to pick two things they would love to do each week. Our big summer trip is visiting my family in Virginia during one of the weeks. My kids may want to have a sleepover with friends or go to mini golf, an arcade, or a waterpark. We might go to an Astros baseball game or plan a weekend camping trip.
Everything has to be quickly researched, booked, or planned because time is so limited. Coparenting means respecting each other's time with the kids and limiting arguments and drama. This means that sometimes opportunities are missed or plans are changed. If there isn't a cabin available the week we want to go camping, we will do something different when we are together.
During the school year, I could visit my kids for lunch or visit them while cheering for soccer or basketball games on weekends. On Wednesdays, I'd get extra time with them after school, but in the summer, those things are gone.
Because of divorce, I much prefer the school year when there's a schedule and there aren't questions about where my kids are going to be or how they are feeling, and I worry more.
I keep myself busy so as not to miss them too much
When my kids are with the other parent during the summer, there is no guarantee I'll see them in person for a week. I've learned that staying busy and making plans for myself, along with long walks in nature, lowers the ache and is essential for my mental health.
I can't afford an elaborate vacation like the other parent. I smile at my kids when they tell me about it and combat my jealousy by remembering extravagance isn't everything, and my kids have made lasting summer memories while staying right in our ZIP code.
When they arrive at my home on Sunday evening, there's nothing like pizza night poolside to start off summer break. I time them when they race each other from one end of the pool to the other and throw dive rings. We lounge and watch the sunset, and I already want time to slow down because my heart is filled with laughter and happiness.
Before we know it, I'll ask my kids what they want to wear on the first day of school. As a divorced parent with limited time, back-to-school shopping happens much earlier. By the start of July I'm walking the store aisles for school supplies or ordering online must-have items. By then, there are just two more weeks together, and then my kiddos are back in the classroom.