My mom moved in with me for the first 30 days of my baby's life. She feeds me homemade food and ensures I can rest
- Hillary Wichlin is a 31-year-old first-time mom to a newborn baby living in San Diego.
- Her mom came to live with her during the weeks after her baby's birth for "confinement."
This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Hillary Wichlin. It has been edited for length and clarity.
The moment I found out I was pregnant, I knew my mom would come to live with me after the birth of the baby for my "confinement." It's a common practice in Taiwanese culture after the birth of a baby.
The woman who has just given birth stays home for one month, doing very little other than feeding the baby and letting her body heal after pregnancy and birth.
During that time, someone — either a family member, close friend, or even a paid employee — will take care of the woman who has just given birth.
She spent the week before birth preparing nourishing food
A week before I gave birth, I flew my mom in from Wisconsin. Before the baby was born, mom spent her days preparing food for my confinement — peeling, chopping, dividing, and freezing.
After Lily was born, my mom jumped into high gear, keeping me fed with nutritious food that promoted healing. She wakes at 5:30 a.m. to start. For breakfast, she might start me off with a red date tea, salmon congee, and lots of fruit. Lunches, snacks, and dinners will include soups, drinks, fruit, nuts, vegetables, and lots of protein. When I can't feed myself because Lily is feeding from me, my mom will literally put food in my mouth for me.
During confinement, you aren't meant to have any caffeine, sugar, or preservatives. You aren't supposed to eat or drink anything cold, spicy, or sour. The reasoning is that you want your body to get back to a place of balance so you heal and produce plenty of breast milk for the baby.
Without my mom preparing food for me, I know I would have just eaten what was quickly available. She completely removed the pressure of having to think about what I was going to eat. All I needed to focus on for those first days was taking care of Lily and resting.
She's OK with me showering even though it's technically not allowed in traditional confinement
In traditional confinement, the new mother isn't meant to leave her room — not even to shower or take a walk. Showering can make you cold, something that should be avoided to maintain the warmth of your chi. Going outside makes the body exert too much energy.
But because my mom understands the modern world, she's been OK with me showering occasionally as long as I have a "ginger rinse" before. She watches Lily for my husband and I to go for short walks around the park.
For 30 days, my mom's focus was primarily on me. Often in America, when visitors come, they want to see the baby. But while my mom loves holding Lily, she is here for me, her baby.
I read about women who have postpartum depression and realized how having this time of confinement, with my mom taking care of me, has guarded me against it. The first 30 days after having Lily were exhausting physically, but overall, the experience has been wonderful.
I'm dreading the day she leaves
Mom being here has also been good for the relationship with my husband. She's had Lily at times, so I can just be alone with him.
When Mom isn't cooking, she is cleaning or holding Lily. She rarely rests until she heads to bed at 9 p.m.
My husband has loved her being here, too. Because confinement isn't part of his culture, I reassured him that when he was ready for my mom to go home, he could just say. But he's said she can stay as long as she wants.
Although it's been more than 30 days, my mom is still here taking care of me, Lily, and the house. I'm dreading it when she leaves. I don't know how we will do this without her. For now, I just keep extending her departure state. I wish she could stay forever.
I'm hoping she moves near to us in the future so she can be around more and have Lily so we don't have to pay the astronomical price of childcare when I go back to work.