I'm an Afghan woman with family in Kabul. The West's lack of respect for the Afghan people is maddening.

• As Western leaders blame Afghans for the Taliban takeover, they ignore their own failures in the conflict.
• The media continues to perpetuate the "white savior" myth, leaving Afghan voices out of the narrative.
• Americans don't understand the war because they don't understand Afghan people.
• Ariana Arghandewal is a travel writer who was born in Afghanistan.
• This is an opinion column. The thoughts expressed are those of the author.

"My heart breaks for Afghanistan." The texts and tweets from well-meaning Americans have been continuous this week. Yet, this very sentence has been spoken among my fellow Afghans for the last two decades, along with "May God grant our people freedom and liberation from the cruelty of foreigners."

As an Afghan, what happened in my homeland last week is not nearly as devastating as what has occurred for the past two decades of military occupation. It's been grueling to watch the US and its allies align themselves with brutal warlords. It's been devastating to read about countless drone strikes that killed innocent civilians, the Maywand District murders, the war crimes detailed in The Afghan Files, the Helmand province strikes that killed 45 civilians, and the forgotten Panjwai massacre that was blamed on a single soldier's "marriage problems" when witnesses described a band of soldiers descending on the village to carry out this atrocity.

My heart has been breaking for 20 years as these crimes have gone unpunished, and as corrupt leaders were installed - which ultimately bolstered support for the Taliban. Seeing how little value the world placed not only on Afghan lives but their rights to self-determination has been maddening.

And yet here we are, 20 years later: The American public is still bewildered by this conflict and why the country they tried to save from the clutches of savage bearded men succumbed to them anyway.

Blamed for a war we didn't want

I was born in Afghanistan amid a civil war. My family left when I was two years old and settled in Germany. I have lived most of my life away from my homeland, but still have family there and feel very connected with my roots.

I clung to these roots after 9/11, when Afghans were vilified in US media to drum up support for an invasion. The callousness I observed quickly shattered the ideals I held of what the US stood for: justice, righteousness, and champions of freedom.

As the Taliban have seized power, a series of condescending op-eds have blamed Afghans for the outcome of a war they did not want while absolving the US and its allies of wrongdoing. President Joe Biden recently proclaimed, "We gave the Afghans every chance. But we couldn't provide them the will to fight for their future."

Many forget that long before American boots hit the ground, Afghanistan was a nation of proud people who have resisted foreign invaders. Slain Afghan President Daoud Khan once proclaimed: "We will never allow you to dictate to us how to run our country and whom to employ in Afghanistan … Afghanistan shall remain poor, if necessary, but free in its acts and decisions."

Afghans have fought off all the greats with fervor: Genghis Khan, Alexander the Great, the British Empire, and the USSR. One million Afghans died in the Soviet conflict alone.

Afghans have shown time and again that they will give their lives for independence - on their own terms, not dictated by Western powers or in service of a government that robs them blind for decades and then abandons them at the first sign of trouble. Americans didn't understand this about the Afghan people in 2001 as they marched into war, and they continue to be oblivious to it now.

Afghans left out of the narrative

In the Western media, the narrative around Afghanistan does not belong to the Afghan people. The foreigners who have occupied its political and media landscape have dictated which ideals to fight for, which leaders to uphold, when to submit, and when to take up arms and fight. In the "white savior" narrative, Afghans are cast as either victims or villains.

In 2001, Afghans who opposed the war were branded traitors. Terrorist sympathizers. "You're either with us or against us." That branding continues to this day.

The Afghan soldiers who abandoned their post, refusing to fight for their corrupt politicians, are villains. The people desperately hanging on to planes headed to America are victims. The Americans shooting Afghans on the airport tarmac and canceling commercial flights to evacuate their own personnel get to avert all accountability.

When I share that I'm hopeful for peace, I'm branded a terrorist sympathizer. Americans want to hear that everyone is afraid, that things are dire.

There is no in-between where we can express gratitude that the same bloodshed that occurred after the Soviet withdrawal of 1989 is not taking place today; that once warring leaders are coming together not to slaughter one another but to establish peace.

You can let your heart break for the women and children left behind, but you can't hope for peace under the villain's rule. Once again, our voices are silenced unless we parrot the acceptable narrative.

'Afghanistan shall remain poor, if necessary, but free'

America's interference in Afghanistan cost trillions of dollars and thousands of irreplaceable lives. Regardless of the claimed premise, this was a war, not a humanitarian mission.

Armed soldiers were not patrolling the country handing out flower crowns and spreading sunshine. Civilians were murdered, often in horrendous fashion. Corruption at the hands of US-backed leaders ran rampant. Drone strikes killed thousands of people and left survivors maimed and traumatized. And for 20 years, there was virtually no uproar about any of it.

And now, as America makes its exit, guns blazing and leaving its so-called Afghan allies in the dust, Afghans are once again vilified for not "fighting" for a sham government that has repeatedly failed them.

I'm well aware that the current peace may be fleeting, that gory reports of violence and persecution may be around the corner. But in anticipating the bad, I choose to hold on to the possibility of a bright future. No one has managed to "bring peace" to Afghanistan in the country's long and harried history. It's up to Afghans to foster it. I desperately root for that to happen this time around.