- I'm a working mom who incorporates solo trips into my business travel.
- I love traveling as a family, but, at times, I miss the spontaneity and flexibility of solo travel.
My 6-year-old looked at me as I stood by the door, suitcase in hand, before leaving home for a weeklong business trip to the other side of the world. He walked over, held my hand, and said, "Why are you going away for so long? I'm going to miss you a billion trillion times."
My heart skipped a beat, and my not-so-new best friend, "mom guilt," walked through the door. I felt like it would stay with me for the entire trip. Still, I gave my son a big hug and walked out the door.
I have always enjoyed exploring new places. The thought of boarding a flight brings a big smile to my face. Unlike many people who hate the idea of work travel, I enjoy it. I love checking into a hotel, going to the gym or taking a dip in the pool, grabbing a local coffee on my way to work, going for walking meetings, and exploring the city.
My husband is also an enthusiastic traveler, and together, we have explored the world far and wide. Since my son was born, we've focused on getting him used to traveling. We took him on a 10-hour flight when he was 4 months old, took 30 flights before he turned 2, and have taken him to nearly 20 countries. It's already clear that the travel bug has bitten him too.
But while traveling with children is fun, I missed the spontaneity and the flexibility of solo travel. You can stay wherever you want, eat what you like, and explore the city without worrying about pushing a stroller, managing bedtimes, or keeping a close watch on your child in an overcrowded area. I also loved how I could sleep past 6 a.m.
A packed working-parent schedule doesn't allow for many solo travel opportunities, but work trips are my way of relishing in something I enjoy.
Moms need to stop feeling guilty
Working moms have long suffered the guilt of not being able to spend enough time with their children. A study conducted by the British Psychological Society in 2022 found that gender stereotypes can predict the levels of guilt that working parents feel, with working mothers feeling higher levels of guilt compared to working fathers.
Another study, conducted by Pew Research in 2015, showed that children's academic and emotional well-being is not contingent on the time they spend with their mothers.
As a working parent who loves to travel, the feeling is all too familiar. The guilt gets exacerbated when friends and family often look at me with surprise and ask how my child is managing without me. No one asks me that question when my husband is away on business — but that's another conversation for another essay.
I decided to give my guilt structure
After adding more extra days on business trips, I realized how liberating it was to travel alone.
I first tried solo travel while planning a business trip a few years ago. After a week of meetings in New York, I stayed for an extra night and treated myself to a glass of wine at the One World Observatory in downtown Manhattan. I just sat there, swirling my glass and watching the world go by. The sense of calmness was a feeling I rarely find as a working mom, and I loved it.
Over the years, I've stopped by the Great Wall on a trip to China, popped into the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, and spent a weekend exploring Angkor Wat, a temple in Cambodia, after a week of meetings in Singapore.
I have learned to handle and even bounce back from my mom guilt spirals.
Here are some steps that helped me deal with the guilt.
1. Lean on your partner or family for support
I can't help but think of the phrase, "It takes a village to raise a child." It does.
Lean on your partner — or friends and family — for support while you are away. They can help you stay connected with your children, reason if your child is upset, and help you be an important part of your child's schedule even when you are in a different time zone.
2. Talk about your travel with your child
Let your child know how excited you are about an adventure. Before you hop on the plane, show them pictures or YouTube videos of where you are traveling.
My son knows how much my husband and I love traveling and is very engaged when I talk to him ahead of a solo trip. We talk about the city, the stories behind it, the food, and the people — and he even requests what souvenirs to bring back.
For example, before my trip to China last year, my son and I discussed the Great Wall and how it was built. He was fascinated and asked me to send him pictures throughout the trip, which helped ease my guilt.
3. Follow your child's schedule
I've found that my son feels more confident and comfortable when his day is predictable and familiar. Ensure that whoever is looking after your child follows their set routine; children thrive in a routine.
Identify the times during the day when they need you the most and plug into their daily routine with Facetime and video calls. It may not be the same as being there in person, but it likely makes them feel comfortable knowing you're just a phone call away.
Time zones can make coordinating schedules tricky — bedtime can come when I'm in the middle of a meeting — so I schedule voice notes, pictures, and videos. I'll even send my husband detailed voice notes to play to our son before he goes to sleep. The bonus is I wake up to some adorable voice notes that are a great start to the day.
4. Walk the guilt away
Despite doing all of the above, the guilt still sneaks in occasionally. So I immediately go out for a quick walk to clear my head.
I remind myself this may feel tough, but I am teaching my son the importance of leaning into your interests and passions. I am also teaching him that his parents may travel for work, but he'll always have a support system back at home.
It's not easy, and sometimes it feels like moving mountains, but the thrill of exploring a new place and the tiny cuddles at the end of the trip make the journey worthwhile.