I'm a dad and an EMT. I use the same 4 steps in stressful situations at home as I do on the job.

• Ryan Fields-Spack is a dad of three and wellness lead for first responders.
• He's worked in emergency response for more than 23 years.

This as-told-to essay is based on a conversation with Ryan Fields-Spack, first responder wellness lead at FirstNet, a communication platform for first responders built by AT&T. It has been edited for length and clarity.

I was 17 when I started volunteering with my local fire department in Colorado. One of my first calls was truly horrific: another fire department had responded to a highway accident, but a tow truck had struck those first responders. My department was called in to take over the scene.

It was absolute chaos. The commanding officer let the stress of the situation hijack his response. His speech was distressed and agitated, which made everyone else fearful. As a teenager still trying to understand how to handle the adrenaline and emotion of emergencies, I felt completely overwhelmed.

Two months later, I responded to a very serious house fire. I worried we would never get it under control. The chief in that situation could see my distress. He put his hand on my shoulder and spoke with calm confidence. He said, "You're going to stay right here, and we're going to put this fire out."

That's when I learned there's a right — and a wrong — way to respond to stressful events, whether at home or at work. Twenty-three years later I'm a dad of three, and use the same tactics to respond to 911 calls that I use to handle stressful situations at home.

Start from a place of neutrality

Whether you're giving a public speech, dealing with a toddler meltdown, or handling a medical situation, starting from a neutral place is helpful. I do this with a simple truth: I realize people don't want the worst for me. They generally want the best and are entirely neutral at worst.

That's a good thing. It means I can respond without worrying that they're judging or hoping for my failure. At home, I get back to neutrality by having a quick cuddle with my kids. Even if we just lost our tempers with each other, we can move forward together.

Be mindful

Meditation is key for keeping my equilibrium at work and at home. You don't have to be a monk, and you don't need a bunch of apps.

I take two minutes each morning to focus on my breathing. If my mind starts wondering, I bring it back to my breath. Over time, that makes your brain stronger and better able to recenter itself.

Later in the day, I might find myself in a stressful situation. My mind can move away from neutrality and think that people are being adversarial to me. Because of my meditation practice, I can bring my mind back to neutrality in those tough moments — even if my kids are the ones causing them!

Just breath

"First, just breathe" is a saying I use to remind myself what to do when my adrenaline rises. "First" represents fists. When we're nervous or upset, we tend to clench them. "Just" represents the jaw, another place lots of us hold tension. If you can move your hands, shake out your fists, and move your jaw around, you'll feel a lot of tension slip away.

"Breath" is obvious: take a slow, deep breath. It will lower your pulse and blood pressure and help dissolve anxiety. I teach my kids to do the same thing when they're overwhelmed or frustrated.

Do a mental rehearsal

As a first responder, I would review my rig in the morning, ensuring I had all the equipment I needed for the day. At the same time, I was doing a mental rehearsal of my day. I would even go so far as to speak out loud the commands that I would need to say into the radio. I ran through all possibilities while thinking about a good outcome, and when the situation arose, I felt better prepared. Today, I use the same approach to prepare for public speaking, which is sometimes part of my job.

Whether you're dealing with lights and sirens or diapers and homework, there's satisfaction in bringing calm from chaos. Just a few minutes of breath work and body movement help me reset and have calmer, more in-control interactions with the world around me — including my kids.