I'm a baby name consultant. Here's what parents should think when picking a unique name for their child.
- I'm a baby name consultant and worked as a teacher before, so I've seen tons of names.
- I help clients choose unique names — but there are lots of caveats to consider.
When parents step into my virtual office for a naming consultation, they either have a laundry list of opinions about the name they're going to choose or hardly any clue where to begin.
In either case, I'll take them through a structured workshop of questions, factors, and considerations. We work through everything, taking in both parents' preferences and perspectives, and I create lists. The process goes on; we refine the lists together and arrive at a final first and middle name pairing or tight set of options.
While vision and priorities vary wildly from one family to the next, there's one question that gets a strong, polarizing response from the families I see: "Do you want your child's name to be trendy/popular, neutral, somewhat unique, or unique?"
The parents who want unique names are faced with a greater challenge, in a way. Trendy and popular names are finite — we will look at lists of the top 100 to 250 names and narrow those down, explore variations, and make a suitable choice to match siblings, surnames, styles, and so on.
It's simply not that easy if you're seeking a unique name. Unique names require less of a word search and more of a scavenger hunt. While the result is almost always a spiritual sort of epiphany when we find "the one," — unique names do require a little extra consideration.
Before I send my clients home with a unique list of names or final unique name choices, we work through three sets of considerations or checks to ensure their final choice meets all criteria. We'll talk about usability, integration, and connotation.
Consider the usability of your unique baby name
The first test is simple: say the name out loud and write it down. Say the name in a variety of tones, use it in a sentence, and list the name among the other members of your family. Write the full name with your surname, write it in a sentence or a list, and address a message to this name. Assess whether it felt cool, easy, weird, or normal to use the name in a basic way.
Go a layer deeper and consider the questions people might ask when you tell them what name you've chosen. While outside opinions should never sway your decision, you should be prepared to navigate conversations about the name — your child will need to feel prepared for this, too. What questions or jokes might come up about the name from your friends and family? Do you feel unbothered by the potential commentary? Will your child?
Finally, in this category, I will ask whether the name will give the child more confidence and build their character or whether the name could threaten the child's confidence and character. I remind parents that this baby's name will become a child's name, a teenager's name, an adult's name, and an older person's name, too. I ask: How might this name age with a human throughout their life?
Consider integrating your unique name into your child's life
A person's name is a foundational aspect of who they are and can be formative to how they see themselves. It will be one of the first words they recognize by ear as a baby, and among the first few they'll read and write as a small child. Your child's name will be one of the first words they say to everyone they introduce themselves to and one of the first words they write or type into every form forever. It might be in their email address or on their favorite sweater. It will be the symbol they look for to identify their cubby in kindergarten, their cabin at camp, and their college acceptance letter in the mail. Through whatever happens in their lives, your kid's name will be on the label, the tag, or the ticket.
I encourage parents to consider every context, from school papers and roll calls to job interviews and the workplace. We talk about how other kids might perceive and pick on the name, how teachers might mispronounce or misunderstand it, and whether it might help or hinder a job search someday. I ask: How would this name look on a social profile, a wedding invitation, an announcement for a promotion, or on the banner for a birthday party? Plug the name into real life.
Consider the connotations around your unique baby name
There are several lenses and filters we'll run any name through before we set it as final. We look for any potential for negativity or unwanted implications. Does it sound mean or evil or scary or sad? Does it feel clunky or tangled? What visual imagery does the name evoke?
We'll look for any unintended references, including what the name might mean in other languages, what known or unknown fictional characters it might remind someone of, other memes or pop culture references the name might conjure, etc.
We'll also brainstorm any potential unwanted nicknames, find weird acronyms the initials might accidentally spell out, and consider potential insults that could be thrown at the name.
There is a place in society for trendy names, unique names, and all those in between. Choosing a unique name for your baby can be a great way to help them stand out, anoint them with something special and meaningful, and disrupt the status quo. However, it's really important to consider the lives your child might live and anticipate how your chosen name will impact their experience.
I do celebrate unique names and encourage parents to follow their intuition, but I also like to make sure they're considering the usability, integration, and connotation of that name.