- Cat Jones eagerly left the family home at 17 and later bought a house 230 miles away with her husband.
- After having a baby and leaving her husband, she was determined to make things work living on her own.
Growing up in a family with four girls, I always preferred my own space. When I was 12, I chose to live in our converted garage instead of sleeping in the house. My free time was spent drawing or taking long walks in the countryside. Despite loving life on the farm, I couldn't wait to spread my wings. So, at 17, I left home.
My sisters and I have always taken advantage of the open-door policy at our parents' house in Tauranga — a city with a population of 140,000 people on the North Island of New Zealand. While I returned regularly to visit, I would never stay long.
Eventually, I got married and bought a house across the country – 230 miles away. At the time, I was confident that it would be my forever home.
As for my sisters, they all settled down nearby — my youngest still living at the family home and another right next door with her own family.
I tried to live up to the single-parent superwoman ideal
Shortly after giving birth to my daughter Cassie, my marriage fell apart, and I was left a single parent on a tight budget with no physical support. Fiercely independent and proud, I was determined to make things work on my own. And in many ways, it did work.
I started remodeling my house, made new friends, and focused on raising Cassie. I relished our relaxed schedule; waking, eating, playing, and napping in tune with our needs, not society's demands.
Still, something was missing. My baby memorized her first book at six months. By the time she turned one, she knew which stories were associated with each picture in her nursery rhyme book and would eagerly babble at me to read her favorite rhymes. So when Cassie didn't start talking early, or even in line with other children her age, worry set in.
I began to realize what was missing from our life: people. Some days we saw friends and acquaintances for an hour or so, but most days were filled with one-sided conversations with my baby. There were days when I barely spoke at all.
Something had to change. After an extended trip back to the farm, surrounded by family and endless chatter, Cassie was on the verge of talking when we left. I knew the solution to our solitude was to move back to the family home.
Having a child in a household of adults brings everyone joy
From being joined at the hip when living alone, it's now common for me to not know where my now two-year-old daughter is as she goes about her own life. On any given day, Cassie can be found helping her aunts feed horses, playing outside with the dogs, bringing the cows in for milking with her granddad or reading a book with her grandma.
Farm life is notoriously stressful and persistent. Tired and grumpy parents have become the norm over the years. Now things are different. Cassie has a vivaciousness about life, dancing places instead of walking, and singing at any opportunity. Her attitude is infectious and has made a remarkable change in all of the adults on the farm. It's hard to be stressed when a child is ready to share her toys and offer cuddles.
Because I am the provider for my daughter, the responsibility of raising a child is removed from everyone else, leaving only the joy of watching a young life grow.
It works for us, but it might not be for everyone
I have found a safe haven by moving back to my childhood home, but it took a while to make it work. There are trade-offs, and it takes a group effort to create a positive environment. Living in such close quarters with other adults requires communication, understanding, and patience.
When I first arrived, I tried to be helpful by organizing the living areas to make room for our things. What I didn't realize was that I was also being obtrusive by changing things without asking first.
Likewise, in an attempt to help take the pressure off me as a single parent, my family tried to step in when they perceived I might need extra support, even though I hadn't asked for it. I felt It caused confusion as my daughter saw my authority being undermined.
With time and open communication, we've all learned to work as a cohesive unit.
In the US, almost 1 in 5 households are now multigenerational, with most finding the arrangement convenient and rewarding, a study from Pew Research Center found. The study, conducted in 2022, was based on two sources: data from the Annual Social and Economic Supplement of the Census Bureau's Current Population Survey and a survey of 1,548 US adults who live with parents, grandparents, or adult children or grandchildren.
I have become closer with everyone in my family, and we're showing my daughter how to cohabit peacefully. It's taught me what kind of parent I can be, and have become comfortable with sharing the parenting load. It feels like a massive burden has been lifted off my shoulders.
Living in a multigenerational family home has been life-changing in so many positive ways. Although I do see us living in our own home again in the future, I'm not in any rush to change our current living situation. For us, the pros far outweigh the cons.
Got a personal essay about living abroad or parenting that you want to share? Get in touch with the editor: akarplus@businessinsider.com.