I took a 50% pay cut to avoid paying for childcare. It was the right decision, but it's still difficult.

• After I had my baby, my husband and I priced childcare options and realized how expensive it was.
• I decided that I'd work fewer hours and take a cut in my income to take care of her during the day.

When I got laid off from my full-time job in 2016, I decided to start my own business in the wedding industry and working as a content creator. I vowed to do whatever it took to be my own boss, even if that meant picking up odd jobs. So when I found out that I was pregnant in 2022, I told my husband, who also works full-time, that we'd have to get childcare. I had no plans of pausing my work or slowing down on what I had worked so hard over the years to create.

He agreed and didn't intend to ask me to pause my career. But after our child was born, our plan changed. After pricing out childcare options, which ran about $3,500 a month for a nanny or a local day care, we realized these costs were drastically more than we expected. Plus, I was feeling so attached to my child and couldn't relax at the idea of letting someone else be with her all day.

I decided to do something unexpected. I took a 50% pay cut and started working half as much as I usually do so that we didn't have to get outside childcare. I've been doing this for the last 16 months.

I switch back and forth between being a mom and running my business

I split my day into chunks centered on my child's sleeping schedule. When she wakes up around 5:30 a.m., my husband and I spend time with her until around 8 a.m., when I sit down to work. He watches her until she goes down for her first nap at 9 a.m., and then he clocks into his full-time job for the day.

She usually wakes up about an hour and a half later, and I'll shut down my computer for mom duty until the early afternoon, when she takes her second nap. I'll get some more work done until she wakes up. I finish up my work for the day once she's asleep for the night, which is around 7 p.m.

While a toddler's sleep schedule can be unpredictable, on a good day, I'm able to get around four and a half hours of work done. I often have to pause to take care of household chores before she wakes up, and I often try to get a workout in before I go to bed.

Before having a baby, I'd work eight- or nine-hour days. I'm now working half as much as before. Because most of my work is service-based and requires me to be present, either working with clients or creating content, I'm not able to do as much. My income has been cut in half because my output has.

I'm grateful I get to spend time with my child

A major reason I first felt comfortable taking on the weekly childcare responsibilities instead of working full-time was because I wanted to spend time with my child. I don't plan on having another baby, so I view this experience as my only chance to be fully present with my child before she starts school programs at the age of 3.

I'm grateful that I've built a career where I can decide how many hours a week I want to work and can be more flexible on my income because my partner makes a full-time salary that helps supplement the bills that I'm not able to pay.

I don't get a break, and it's tough

While I enjoy spending time with my child, the pressure to fit in work whenever I can makes me feel highly anxious and stressed during the day. When I'm with her, I try not to be on my phone or computer. But my mind is always wondering what emails have come in or how I'll be able to do what's on my to-do list when she's asleep.

Trying to work at the level I am while also being there for my child hasn't been good for my mental health. I often find that by the end of the day, I'm exhausted and feel depressed that a part of the career I've worked so hard to build is fading because I don't have as much time to invest in it. During the day, I feel anxious trying to be two different people: a mom and an entrepreneur, and remembering which hat to put on hour by hour.

I also fear that when she goes to school in a year and a half, and I can work more again, I'll be behind in my career. I worry that I'll never recover from missed opportunities.

I'm not sure we're saving as much money as we thought we would

It's a perk that we're saving over $3,000 a month by not having any formal childcare, but there's also an opportunity cost that we need to factor in. If I could work even just 40 hours a week, I'd be able to make more than that.

So not only would my salary cover childcare costs, but I'd also have enough to pay bills and put extra cash in savings. But since I'm only able to work half as much and bring in 50% of the income I used to, we're only able to save on childcare costs without any of those extra financial bonuses.

If we were solely doing this for financial reasons, it might not be the best idea for our family. But for now, at least, I often have to remind myself that this is a sacrifice I choose to make. I want to spend these early years with my daughter, and I don't think I'll regret that later.