- I moved from the US to Canada for my husband's job and family.
- Little did I know, that move would help me grow my family in ways I couldn't have foreseen.
I met my future husband in a coffee shop in New York City where I was on a blind date for a column I was writing for Jane Magazine.
Sitting across from me was the cutest and sweetest Canadian I had ever seen. It wasn't long before we moved in together and got engaged.
His company was based in Toronto. Most of his family was also in Canada. So, after getting married, we decided to try living in Toronto full-time and soon became serious about having kids.
I gave birth to my firstborn, a boy, when I was 40 and spent the first few months on paid maternity leave. It wasn't until I went back to work a few months later that I noticed the lump in my right breast.
Best cancer robbed me of giving birth, again
Luckily, the breast cancer hadn't spread and was relatively easy to treat. But the treatments prevented me from being able to carry another baby myself.
I looked at my almost 10-month-old son and knew I wanted to give him a sibling.
My sister was my rock in life — especially as I navigated all the doctor's appointments and tests after my cancer diagnosis — and I wanted my child to have that same support in life.
Adoption was an option. But I had also frozen my embryos a few years prior as a backup plan in case my husband and I couldn't have kids. Those healthy embryos were at a fertility clinic just a few blocks away.
My husband and I decided to try the surrogacy route.
I could not have afforded surrogacy if I'd still lived in the US
We knew very little about surrogacy in Canada. What we did know was that, unlike in the US, commercial surrogacy was illegal. In Canada, you could not pay anyone to carry your child.
We explored options in the US but didn't have upward of $100,000 to go that route.
After Canadian surrogacy agencies yielded few prospects, we took to social media and shared our story in several surrogacy Facebook groups.
Within days, we had a few responses and one very viable lead: a lovely woman in Quebec who had done this successfully once before and was excited to explore another surrogacy journey.
Much like my first date with my now husband, I immediately connected with our potential surrogate upon our first meeting.
We spent all day at a spa near her home, laughing and getting to know each other. I met her husband and their three amazing kids, and by the following day, we were discussing the next steps.
The surrogacy wasn't cheap
We never paid our surrogate a flat fee for carrying our baby, but there were still pregnancy-related expenses that we were responsible for.
To start, I paid for her lawyer and mine, as well as an additional lawyer in Quebec, as the law in the province stipulated I had to technically "adopt" my own child. These expenses, alone, amounted to about $8,000.
Our surrogate also had to take leave from her job early due to health issues, and we were obligated through our contract to cover some of her salary.
The lawyers also decided upon a monthly amount that was legally reimbursable for pregnancy-related expenses such as prenatal massages, physiotherapy, and travel expenses to and from doctor's appointments.
Regardless, we were thrilled to be able to pay for it all. This woman was doing a remarkable thing for our family.
Plus, even with all the expenses incurred from flights, lawyer fees, medications, and monthly expenses, the total was nowhere near what it would have been in the US.
We've kept in touch with our surrogate
Our surrogate is the godmother of the baby she carried and one of my dearest friends.
We even have birthdays within a day of each other and are currently making plans for a belated celebration, allowing ourselves some girl talk and Netflix binging.
Having breast cancer was horrible, taking both my breasts and fertility from me. But living in Canada gave me the chance to grow our family, something we could've never afforded had we stayed in the US.
Now our family is complete, and we are so grateful to both our surrogate and the country we live in for helping us make that happen.