- While many friends are having kids, I'm more career-focused, but my parents haven't pressured me.
- I think this is because they waited until later in life to have me and focused on work instead.
Although I've always wanted to have children, I never thought someone else's parents would care about my family planning.
Now that I'm in my 30s, many of my friends are married and having babies. This year alone, I know three couples who are expecting. Recently, at a friend's baby shower that my mother and I both attended, the friend's mother suggested to my mom slyly, "Maybe it will rub off on some other people!" She then noted it would be fun if my friend and I were both having kids at the same time, so our kids could have playdates together. In response, my mother said that although that would be fun, she wasn't sure what my husband and my plans were.
For some, motherhood is the most important role they could play. While I agree that being a parent is a job in and of itself, and don't begrudge anyone who prioritizes having kids over all else, I have always wanted to ensure I get my career on track before becoming a mom. I believe part of this worldview comes from having older parents. My mother was 34 years old when she gave birth to me at home with a midwife, and my dad was 43 at the time. They've never done things conventionally.
My mother worked and traveled the world before getting married
When I asked my mother why she waited until her mid-30s to have a child, she said that she said she doesn't believe you should have a baby right after you get married, just to reach another milestone. "It has to be the right time in your life and with the right partner, someone who you believe will be a good father," she said.
My parents have always been independent. My mother has worked full-time since age 18 and had two different careers before she had me, working as a model, and then as a make-up artist. She's lived in places like Belgium, Argentina, London, and Italy. She took some time off after I was born to parent full-time. However, she soon pivoted to her next career path.
She was inspired to start her next career path as an alternative healthcare practitioner after I got a skin infection from taking swimming lessons at the community pool, which resulted in warts covering my entire body. My doctor's only suggestion was to burn off each wart — a painful procedure, which didn't seem possible, considering I wouldn't let anyone touch my skin. My mother turned to a more natural solution that cleared up my warts in a matter of days.
My dad was, in some ways, the black sheep of his family, and decided to become a hairdresser instead of going to college. They met at a Halloween party, were engaged at Christmas, and were married the following April; nine months later, I was born.
While my parents aren't asking me, I still feel pressure to have kids soon
Now that I've been married for two years, I'm starting to feel emotionally ready to think about having children. I also do feel self-inflicted pressure, considering my father is in his mid-70s, and I want my future child to have a good relationship with their grandparents.
What worries me is a sentiment I often hear from parents, especially mothers, which is that it's easy to lose yourself in the role of a parent until your child grows up and moves out on their own. I don't want to give up on my goals, like writing a book or continuing to build on my work as an editor, just because I have a child to care for.
Because my parents put their careers first, they hardly ever ask me about having children. They know that I'll have one when I'm ready. However, while they don't try to push me into having them, my mother has given me some insight into what it is like to be an older parent. She told me she might have had more children had she started the process sooner. She also emphasized that if I'm thinking about it, sooner rather than later might be better so that I have the energy to deal with all that motherhood entails.
But by the same token, she's glad she got so much life experience before having me and has no regrets about having only one child. Although my father has started to hint at a desire for grandkids since he's getting older, I never feel pressured by them, and for that, I'm eternally grateful.